No, we're not discussing the deity/no-deity hypothesis. Arguing about whether there's a supreme deity or not is kind of like arguing about whether or not John Edward can talk to the dead - it's a waste of time because you can't prove one way or the other. Although it's a great way to give your more gullible friends apoplexy.
Today's round is about that misunderstood and generally maligned topic GLO-BAL WAR-MING (for the pronunciation, just imagine I'm discussing the dreaded gum disease GIN-GI-VI-TIS). It's a popular pastime for people that don't know better (and some that do) to go on national television and say some shit like "I don't believe in global warming". Here's the problem: it's not a question of belief. Scientists aren't asking you to believe in the volcano god or that Gaia is pissed. There's nothing to believe or disbelieve. There's only evidence. By definition, a belief requires no evidence. Hence, there's no rational way to argue that there is or isn't a volcano god. Go Vulcan!
You can, of course, have different interpretations of evidence. But when all of the evidence is consistent with only one hypothesis, that hypothesis wins by default until a better one comes along or until contrary evidence shows up. So...does the evidence point to warming? Yes. Does the warming correspond almost one-for-one with increases in industrial activity and agriculture? Yes. Can the amount of warming be explained by natural processes (changes in sunlight, ocean circulation, Earth's orbit, volcanic acitivity)? No. Therefore, simple logic tells you we are responsible. Humans are the cause of the warming. There's nothing to believe. And so far, there is no explanation that has been put forward that is as consistent with the evidence. So stop bitching about it and start doing something to change it.
If you don't "believe" in global warming then I guess you don't believe in electricity, the ozone hole, or gravity (or as its known to those in the loop "God's magical fall-down formula" - wish I could take credit for that, but it's all Ben). So instead of spreading misinformation, pseudo-science, and poorly supported but loud and authoritative-sounding rhetoric, why don't you crawl back under your rock and let the people that want to face reality do so without you.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Monday, February 4, 2008
The word tragic is thrown around a lot today...
Am I the only person that is tired of seeing the word tragedy used to describe situations that aren't tragic? It's like the word hero. Not everyone is a fucking hero. And not every car crash and cancer diagnosis is tragic. Let me see if I can help illuminate the difference.
When teenagers or college students get drunk and kill themselves or their friends in a collision, it's NOT TRAGIC. They fucking knew better. Every school teaches kids that drunk driving is stupid. Every school and every alert parent tells their kids never to get into a car with a person who's been drinking. So when they do it and end up dead it's not tragic. They were being stupid. And when you do stupid things, don't be surprised when stupid things happen.
When you build your house on the edge of a cliff overlooking the ocean and your house then falls into the ocean it's NOT TRAGIC. Are you retarded? The house has nowhere to go but over the edge. And you do not control the ocean or the weather. So whenever I see this on the news, I laugh.
When you smoke for 30 years and get lung cancer it's NOT TRAGIC. You're stupid. You have no one to blame but yourself and no one should feel bad for you. You knew the risk and you should accept the consequences. So don't come crying to the news station to do a story about your "tragic situation". Fuck you.
When a drunk driver kills OTHER drivers, that IS TRAGIC, particularly when that person walks away with no injuries. Those people were killed because of another person's idiocy, not their own. They had no control over the situation. So you empathize with them. This also applies to situations in which people kill or injure other people because they can't be bothered to slow down in fog, ice, snow, heavy rain, or any situation where common sense tells you to slow down.
When a natural disaster happens and you're too poor to afford to leave the area you're in (a la New Orleans) or live in an area that is too poor to have facilities for early warning (a la Indonesia 2004) IT'S TRAGIC. When the government then fails to help the affected citizens, IT'S TRAGIC. Notice the pattern. When you have control over your situation and choose to do something dumb, it's not tragic when you get fucked up. When you have no control over the situation and other people are responsible for what happens to you, I'll empathize with you.
As a last example, when your house burns because your Christmas tree caught on fire, it's NOT TRAGIC. Every year, there are more than 10,000 fires across this country on the three days from Dec. 24-26, a large number of them due to trees. That should tell you not to bring a dry, dead tree into your home and surround it with electrical wires. So I don't feel bad when your house burns down.
If people just used a modicum of common sense, there would be far less need to describe any situation as tragic in the first place.
When teenagers or college students get drunk and kill themselves or their friends in a collision, it's NOT TRAGIC. They fucking knew better. Every school teaches kids that drunk driving is stupid. Every school and every alert parent tells their kids never to get into a car with a person who's been drinking. So when they do it and end up dead it's not tragic. They were being stupid. And when you do stupid things, don't be surprised when stupid things happen.
When you build your house on the edge of a cliff overlooking the ocean and your house then falls into the ocean it's NOT TRAGIC. Are you retarded? The house has nowhere to go but over the edge. And you do not control the ocean or the weather. So whenever I see this on the news, I laugh.
When you smoke for 30 years and get lung cancer it's NOT TRAGIC. You're stupid. You have no one to blame but yourself and no one should feel bad for you. You knew the risk and you should accept the consequences. So don't come crying to the news station to do a story about your "tragic situation". Fuck you.
When a drunk driver kills OTHER drivers, that IS TRAGIC, particularly when that person walks away with no injuries. Those people were killed because of another person's idiocy, not their own. They had no control over the situation. So you empathize with them. This also applies to situations in which people kill or injure other people because they can't be bothered to slow down in fog, ice, snow, heavy rain, or any situation where common sense tells you to slow down.
When a natural disaster happens and you're too poor to afford to leave the area you're in (a la New Orleans) or live in an area that is too poor to have facilities for early warning (a la Indonesia 2004) IT'S TRAGIC. When the government then fails to help the affected citizens, IT'S TRAGIC. Notice the pattern. When you have control over your situation and choose to do something dumb, it's not tragic when you get fucked up. When you have no control over the situation and other people are responsible for what happens to you, I'll empathize with you.
As a last example, when your house burns because your Christmas tree caught on fire, it's NOT TRAGIC. Every year, there are more than 10,000 fires across this country on the three days from Dec. 24-26, a large number of them due to trees. That should tell you not to bring a dry, dead tree into your home and surround it with electrical wires. So I don't feel bad when your house burns down.
If people just used a modicum of common sense, there would be far less need to describe any situation as tragic in the first place.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
If this doesn't offend you, you're not thinking hard enough
It's time to start our own political action committee. We won't actually give money to candidates since they'll use it for their own nefarious purposes. But we'll bitch real loud, send form letters to representatives, and litigate like a mother fucker a la the RIAA.
I'm am sick and tired of commercials, advertising, and the insidious things that go along with them. I'm willing to put up some advertisements. They can be entertaining and, in extremely rare cases, informative. But I'm done. Fuck these people and the the cheap uninspired garbage they hawk. You can't get ripped abs working out 30 minutes a day. No matter how fortified your ice cream is, it's still fucking ice cream. And you can't clean with the power of oxygen. If you could, there would be no need for washing in the first place since we're surrounded by....drum roll please...OXYGEN!
Advertisements are pervasive. They're on tv, radio, magazines, newspapers, every internet page. There are advertisements for products whenever you call a company with a complaint about their other products. We have ads in schools, on clothes, and on sidewalks. There are ads on the fucking stripes between spaces in parking lots. Victoria's Secret should just start advertising on titties. And now here are in-game advertisements for computer and video games. I have to sit through 20 minutes of commercials at the movies. Up next are ads in every pdf document you view. As I type, search engines are compiling data on users to send targeted advertisements and giving that data to other businesses ("their affiliates") for advertising and data mining purposes. TV shows are now smashing the credits into the top 1/3 of the screen so they can run ads in the bottom 2/3. They've lopped nearly 3 minutes off of perfectly good shows to run more commercials. Give me my 3 minutes back asshole! It's enough to make you puke. But if I did, I bet I'd receive an ad for some miracle carpet cleaner that will not only clean my vomit but also wash the car, the cat, and leave both with a pine-fresh scent.
Ad companies, movie studies, and tv networks are working hard to remove the DVR feature that allows you to skip commercials. This means, in effect, that you are LEGALLY OBLIGATED TO WATCH COMMERCIALS. It would be ILLEGAL to fast-forward through them. Of course, you can leave the room. But how many people are going to do that? Not many. And that's what these companies are banking on. Preying on the stupidity of the average fool.
For those of you that want to argue on "personal responsibility" grounds, let me just say I agree with the principle but not the application. It's true that if you don't buy, they may advertise less. But you can't ignore the fact that people are gullible, easily manipulated, and easily fooled. Study after study shows that people, ESPECIALLY CHILDREN, are heavily influenced by the images and messages they are pelted with from ads (see the well referenced summary report at the bottom of this link ). If you say it's all on the people who are being fooled, it's tantamount to blaming the poor for being poor while denying them opportunities for better jobs and better education.
Why are people not up in arms about this? These companies are forcing their ads into your home, your time, and your kids' brains. They're using your personal habits to sell more junk and very often don't tell you they're doing it. But remember: it's not spying because we don't call it that.
I'm am sick and tired of commercials, advertising, and the insidious things that go along with them. I'm willing to put up some advertisements. They can be entertaining and, in extremely rare cases, informative. But I'm done. Fuck these people and the the cheap uninspired garbage they hawk. You can't get ripped abs working out 30 minutes a day. No matter how fortified your ice cream is, it's still fucking ice cream. And you can't clean with the power of oxygen. If you could, there would be no need for washing in the first place since we're surrounded by....drum roll please...OXYGEN!
Advertisements are pervasive. They're on tv, radio, magazines, newspapers, every internet page. There are advertisements for products whenever you call a company with a complaint about their other products. We have ads in schools, on clothes, and on sidewalks. There are ads on the fucking stripes between spaces in parking lots. Victoria's Secret should just start advertising on titties. And now here are in-game advertisements for computer and video games. I have to sit through 20 minutes of commercials at the movies. Up next are ads in every pdf document you view. As I type, search engines are compiling data on users to send targeted advertisements and giving that data to other businesses ("their affiliates") for advertising and data mining purposes. TV shows are now smashing the credits into the top 1/3 of the screen so they can run ads in the bottom 2/3. They've lopped nearly 3 minutes off of perfectly good shows to run more commercials. Give me my 3 minutes back asshole! It's enough to make you puke. But if I did, I bet I'd receive an ad for some miracle carpet cleaner that will not only clean my vomit but also wash the car, the cat, and leave both with a pine-fresh scent.
Ad companies, movie studies, and tv networks are working hard to remove the DVR feature that allows you to skip commercials. This means, in effect, that you are LEGALLY OBLIGATED TO WATCH COMMERCIALS. It would be ILLEGAL to fast-forward through them. Of course, you can leave the room. But how many people are going to do that? Not many. And that's what these companies are banking on. Preying on the stupidity of the average fool.
For those of you that want to argue on "personal responsibility" grounds, let me just say I agree with the principle but not the application. It's true that if you don't buy, they may advertise less. But you can't ignore the fact that people are gullible, easily manipulated, and easily fooled. Study after study shows that people, ESPECIALLY CHILDREN, are heavily influenced by the images and messages they are pelted with from ads (see the well referenced summary report at the bottom of this link ). If you say it's all on the people who are being fooled, it's tantamount to blaming the poor for being poor while denying them opportunities for better jobs and better education.
Why are people not up in arms about this? These companies are forcing their ads into your home, your time, and your kids' brains. They're using your personal habits to sell more junk and very often don't tell you they're doing it. But remember: it's not spying because we don't call it that.
The defense calls its first witness
I'm going to respond to some comments from my last post. Mostly because it's midnight and my originality quotient is low at the moment.
I'm in agreement with the fact that many people are turned off by rap/hip-hop because of the musical style. Some people don't enjoy quirky sounds effects, staccato drum lines, and many of the other features of "beats". And I am willing to accept that as a perfectly reasonable argument. In this case, you're not degrading the message or simply projecting stereotypes of the artists onto the art.
I would like to point out that many of these beats have become much more musical. Compare rap/hip-hop from the eighties, nineties, and today. There is a higher prevalence of different instruments as well as different genres (including beats that contain strong country overtones). There are complete and well constructed guitar, bass, and orchestra pieces. Many groups even have full time musicians that travel with them. Also, I'll point out that many of the musical elements of rap (e.g. scratching, beat-boxing, drum-machines, etc.) have ended up in the music of groups ranging from Incubus to Beyonce. So while I accept the argument that rap may be unlikeable for its music style, I also think it important to acknowledge that many of the songs and music people enjoy in other genres borrow heavily from rap.
I'd like to address one other point. I've had several people mention to me that rap is hard to understand. While I agree that it's often difficult to catch the words, I don't think this is a fair argument for not liking an entire genre. Heavy metal, hard rock, and just about anything decently loud is sometimes very difficult to understand. The inclusion of awful sound effects (a la Radiohead and Third Eye Blind) makes it nearly impossible to know what the hell is being said. But the more you listen, the more you learn to discern the words from the music. And, like any music, you have to understand the words in the first place. If you don't know what "crunk" or "skeet" means, then you'll have a much harder time catching the words, let alone understanding what is being said.
That's all I've got. Everyone has their own preferences and no one likes everything that comes their way. But I want people to think about WHY they do/don't like something. Examining our own assumptions is the only way to really understand ourselves and the world around us. It's like Janelle. She loves dance movies. I've never been a big fan of dance. I never felt that the movements followed the music and I've never understood how dance tells a story. But it resonates with her and she does understand it. It's an expression of art and emotion and just because I don't understand it doesn't mean it has no merit. Of course, I'm still going to make fun of it, but only with the understanding that I'm not dismissing it as something that should be removed from public consumption. I don't have that kind of time or vindictiveness.
I'm in agreement with the fact that many people are turned off by rap/hip-hop because of the musical style. Some people don't enjoy quirky sounds effects, staccato drum lines, and many of the other features of "beats". And I am willing to accept that as a perfectly reasonable argument. In this case, you're not degrading the message or simply projecting stereotypes of the artists onto the art.
I would like to point out that many of these beats have become much more musical. Compare rap/hip-hop from the eighties, nineties, and today. There is a higher prevalence of different instruments as well as different genres (including beats that contain strong country overtones). There are complete and well constructed guitar, bass, and orchestra pieces. Many groups even have full time musicians that travel with them. Also, I'll point out that many of the musical elements of rap (e.g. scratching, beat-boxing, drum-machines, etc.) have ended up in the music of groups ranging from Incubus to Beyonce. So while I accept the argument that rap may be unlikeable for its music style, I also think it important to acknowledge that many of the songs and music people enjoy in other genres borrow heavily from rap.
I'd like to address one other point. I've had several people mention to me that rap is hard to understand. While I agree that it's often difficult to catch the words, I don't think this is a fair argument for not liking an entire genre. Heavy metal, hard rock, and just about anything decently loud is sometimes very difficult to understand. The inclusion of awful sound effects (a la Radiohead and Third Eye Blind) makes it nearly impossible to know what the hell is being said. But the more you listen, the more you learn to discern the words from the music. And, like any music, you have to understand the words in the first place. If you don't know what "crunk" or "skeet" means, then you'll have a much harder time catching the words, let alone understanding what is being said.
That's all I've got. Everyone has their own preferences and no one likes everything that comes their way. But I want people to think about WHY they do/don't like something. Examining our own assumptions is the only way to really understand ourselves and the world around us. It's like Janelle. She loves dance movies. I've never been a big fan of dance. I never felt that the movements followed the music and I've never understood how dance tells a story. But it resonates with her and she does understand it. It's an expression of art and emotion and just because I don't understand it doesn't mean it has no merit. Of course, I'm still going to make fun of it, but only with the understanding that I'm not dismissing it as something that should be removed from public consumption. I don't have that kind of time or vindictiveness.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Sing about what you know
I've been listening to a lot of hip-hop/rap lately. Black and white artists. And I've been thinking about the perception of these genres, especially among the white folks. What I don't understand is how people who profess to love music and lyrics will go out of their way to discourse on how awful rap music is without even really listening to what they're hearing.
Folks, what they're singing about is the same shit people have been singing about since time immemorial. They're singing about sex, drugs, war, death, family. This is the same crap the Rolling Stones are lauded for. It's the same themes. Rock and roll was always about sex and drugs. So why is that rap is derided for discussing those same topics? Sure the lyrics are more explicit. Now we say "fuck" and "pussy" instead of hiding behind euphemisms like "brown sugar". People love Lou Reed's Take a Walk on the Wild Side. That song was all about transvestites, oral sex, and drugs. Little Richard steam rolled America with Tutti Frutti. That song is all about butt-fucking. Someone explain to me why those songs are classics and rap is relegated to the dumpster and I'll show you someone that doesn't understand double standards.
On another note: have you ever really listened to how a rap song is constructed? Listen to how the words are used. How the same word can be used several times in a row with different meanings and nuances. These are not ignorant hicks making shit up. These are people who understand language. And though it may not sound like it sometimes, they certainly understand it better than most English speakers. It's poetic: the way the words flow, the construction of analogies and similes, the use of slant rhyme and onomatopoeia. These people are not singers or songwriters. They're poets. Much like Dylan. I'm not saying Dylan and the latest club single are on the same level. But they way they use the language and change the language is incredible.
Lastly, people want to argue that the topics are vulgar, ribald, homophobic, and misogynistic. That may be true sometimes. But again, refer to some of your rock and roll classics. These songs are not always female friendly and they're certainly vulgar if you take the time to really understand what is being sung about. The use of "hoe", "bitch", and "nigger" is just more in-your-face because the topics aren't sugar coated. The songs are often about drugs, guns, and gangs because many of these people grew up in the worst neighborhoods in this country. They write about what they know. And without their voices, much of America would still be ignorant of what is going on in their own country.
And for god's sake STOP calling rap "black music". If you want to talk about black music, let's discuss the fact that a majority of American music is "black". Rock, blues, jazz, soul, R&B. These are all art forms with deep roots in black culture. They've been co-opted, transformed, and adopted by the mainstream white community. It's just plain stupid to say rap is "bad black music" but blues or jazz are good. Listen. I mean really listen to what is being said before deciding rap is not worth understanding. And don't just listen to the words. Listen for the meaning. Hear what the songs are about, not what you think they're about.
Folks, what they're singing about is the same shit people have been singing about since time immemorial. They're singing about sex, drugs, war, death, family. This is the same crap the Rolling Stones are lauded for. It's the same themes. Rock and roll was always about sex and drugs. So why is that rap is derided for discussing those same topics? Sure the lyrics are more explicit. Now we say "fuck" and "pussy" instead of hiding behind euphemisms like "brown sugar". People love Lou Reed's Take a Walk on the Wild Side. That song was all about transvestites, oral sex, and drugs. Little Richard steam rolled America with Tutti Frutti. That song is all about butt-fucking. Someone explain to me why those songs are classics and rap is relegated to the dumpster and I'll show you someone that doesn't understand double standards.
On another note: have you ever really listened to how a rap song is constructed? Listen to how the words are used. How the same word can be used several times in a row with different meanings and nuances. These are not ignorant hicks making shit up. These are people who understand language. And though it may not sound like it sometimes, they certainly understand it better than most English speakers. It's poetic: the way the words flow, the construction of analogies and similes, the use of slant rhyme and onomatopoeia. These people are not singers or songwriters. They're poets. Much like Dylan. I'm not saying Dylan and the latest club single are on the same level. But they way they use the language and change the language is incredible.
Lastly, people want to argue that the topics are vulgar, ribald, homophobic, and misogynistic. That may be true sometimes. But again, refer to some of your rock and roll classics. These songs are not always female friendly and they're certainly vulgar if you take the time to really understand what is being sung about. The use of "hoe", "bitch", and "nigger" is just more in-your-face because the topics aren't sugar coated. The songs are often about drugs, guns, and gangs because many of these people grew up in the worst neighborhoods in this country. They write about what they know. And without their voices, much of America would still be ignorant of what is going on in their own country.
And for god's sake STOP calling rap "black music". If you want to talk about black music, let's discuss the fact that a majority of American music is "black". Rock, blues, jazz, soul, R&B. These are all art forms with deep roots in black culture. They've been co-opted, transformed, and adopted by the mainstream white community. It's just plain stupid to say rap is "bad black music" but blues or jazz are good. Listen. I mean really listen to what is being said before deciding rap is not worth understanding. And don't just listen to the words. Listen for the meaning. Hear what the songs are about, not what you think they're about.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Welcome back you lazy bum
I'm back. After a fun-filled move to a new state, new apartment, and new job, I'm back on the case. Just a few notes for now. We'll save the heavy stuff for tomorrow's post.
First up, I invite everyone to peruse my newest blog. It's a project put together by my brother with contributions from myself and other young (if I'm still allowed to call myself that. I am almost 30. Almost time for this Brandon to run. And if you get that joke you're awesome) people interested in the upcoming asininity and rhetorical whirlwind that is an election year. For god's sake, people have been guessing who would win and what would happen since the beginning of last year. With very poor results I might add. We'll discuss candidates, election issues, and point out the stupidity and double standards that the network news won't discuss. So stop by and leave your thoughts. We want to see comments and discussion.
Second, why is it so difficult to prove that I live in Washington? The DMV (or DOL - department of licensing) wants proof that I live here before issuing me a license. Fine. But they WON'T accept my apartment lease. How fucked up is that? They'll take mortgage documents. They'll take a concealed weapons permit. They'll take my name in a phone book. For shits and giggles, they'll even accept a residential service hook-up order. Not even a bill...just the hook-up ORDER will suffice. This place is fucking stupid sometimes. I guess I know where the state priorities are since it's easier to get a permit to carry a gun than to prove that I have a Washington address.
Tomorrow we'll discuss rap and hip-hop. I've been listening to a lot of Lil' Wayne lately and had some thoughts that must needs be shared. Good night America!
First up, I invite everyone to peruse my newest blog. It's a project put together by my brother with contributions from myself and other young (if I'm still allowed to call myself that. I am almost 30. Almost time for this Brandon to run. And if you get that joke you're awesome) people interested in the upcoming asininity and rhetorical whirlwind that is an election year. For god's sake, people have been guessing who would win and what would happen since the beginning of last year. With very poor results I might add. We'll discuss candidates, election issues, and point out the stupidity and double standards that the network news won't discuss. So stop by and leave your thoughts. We want to see comments and discussion.
Second, why is it so difficult to prove that I live in Washington? The DMV (or DOL - department of licensing) wants proof that I live here before issuing me a license. Fine. But they WON'T accept my apartment lease. How fucked up is that? They'll take mortgage documents. They'll take a concealed weapons permit. They'll take my name in a phone book. For shits and giggles, they'll even accept a residential service hook-up order. Not even a bill...just the hook-up ORDER will suffice. This place is fucking stupid sometimes. I guess I know where the state priorities are since it's easier to get a permit to carry a gun than to prove that I have a Washington address.
Tomorrow we'll discuss rap and hip-hop. I've been listening to a lot of Lil' Wayne lately and had some thoughts that must needs be shared. Good night America!
Friday, December 28, 2007
Hiatus
Packing up the truck tomorrow and heading out Sunday. Gonna miss the Pat-Giant game. Lame. Super lame. I'll get back to updating the blog, making fun of ridiculous shit, and generally ranting about the state of the world when I get set up in Washington. Keep your noses clean.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
You offend me....you know who you are
This Christmas season, we've got more of the usual bullshit going down. Apparently we still can't refer to it as Christmas. And if you refer to Chanukah, you get the shit beat out of you by a bunch of ignorant bastards. This year we have a winner of the 'dumb shit someone thought would be a good idea at Christmas' award. I guess Santa can no longer say 'Ho Ho Ho', as it's offensive to people with vaginas. If you believe this then you are no longer allowed to refer to stupid people as 'boobs', you cannot refer to cats as 'pussy cats', you can't be in the navy and lift an anchor since they chant 'heave ho', and you can't 'hoe' your garden. A big fuck you to all those people that decided to be even bigger dicks this year and started fucking with Santa. I hope your Christmas trees all burn down.
And don't think I've forgotten the hardcore Christmas crowd, most notably christians palpably ignorant of the history of their own institutions. You guys win the "most holidays stolen from other cultures and transmuted to conform to our view" award. For starters, Christmas is not originally celebratory of Jesus, since the general gift giving and celebration routine during the winter was done for centuries. For the Romans, this period was a week long festival that consisted of men giving other men gifts and having gay orgies at the bath house. "Christmas" (the word) didn't even exist until the 11th century, a full millennium after the death of Jesus. It was originally a celebration of the winter months that gave thanks for the year and the cessation of agricultural work. The Christians simply rode in and set up their own winter festival to entice the 'pagans' away from their festivals. So stop pretending Christmas is all about Jesus. If you don't know the history of your own creation, then you don't truly know what Christmas is all about.
In fact, let's be honest and call it 'Profitmas' since the key components for the past 300 years have moved further from the religious aspects and more toward the economic and gift aspects. If you celebrate Jesus's b-day, then good for you. I've got no problem with that (assuming that you know Dec. 25 was not, in fact, his real birthday). But I think your celebration should involve doing Christian things - donating time to a soup kitchen or to help the less fortunate, enjoying a meal with family, and actively engaging yourself in making the world a better place with your time and money (not by converting people). If instead you go to one church service and then revel in the secular gift giving and economically driven portion of the holiday, you are not actively engaged in the religious aspect and shouldn't act like you are. It's supremely hypocritical to say you are celebrating Jesus while being involved in a lot of spurious spending and conspicuous consumption that he would not approve of. I may not be a god-fearing church goer, but I know enough about the bible to know that most church-goers aren't really understanding what they are reading. You can interpret it however you want, but at the end of the day it's a book about just being a good human being.
And don't think I've forgotten the hardcore Christmas crowd, most notably christians palpably ignorant of the history of their own institutions. You guys win the "most holidays stolen from other cultures and transmuted to conform to our view" award. For starters, Christmas is not originally celebratory of Jesus, since the general gift giving and celebration routine during the winter was done for centuries. For the Romans, this period was a week long festival that consisted of men giving other men gifts and having gay orgies at the bath house. "Christmas" (the word) didn't even exist until the 11th century, a full millennium after the death of Jesus. It was originally a celebration of the winter months that gave thanks for the year and the cessation of agricultural work. The Christians simply rode in and set up their own winter festival to entice the 'pagans' away from their festivals. So stop pretending Christmas is all about Jesus. If you don't know the history of your own creation, then you don't truly know what Christmas is all about.
In fact, let's be honest and call it 'Profitmas' since the key components for the past 300 years have moved further from the religious aspects and more toward the economic and gift aspects. If you celebrate Jesus's b-day, then good for you. I've got no problem with that (assuming that you know Dec. 25 was not, in fact, his real birthday). But I think your celebration should involve doing Christian things - donating time to a soup kitchen or to help the less fortunate, enjoying a meal with family, and actively engaging yourself in making the world a better place with your time and money (not by converting people). If instead you go to one church service and then revel in the secular gift giving and economically driven portion of the holiday, you are not actively engaged in the religious aspect and shouldn't act like you are. It's supremely hypocritical to say you are celebrating Jesus while being involved in a lot of spurious spending and conspicuous consumption that he would not approve of. I may not be a god-fearing church goer, but I know enough about the bible to know that most church-goers aren't really understanding what they are reading. You can interpret it however you want, but at the end of the day it's a book about just being a good human being.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Like a straight guy in a figure skating competition
I just went to a dork fest in San Francisco. Every year, 15,000 scientists descend on San Fran to discuss the latest and greatest in Earth science. Every year I have to sit through 50,000 discussions on why global warming is important and how scientists are failing to relay that importance to the public. And nothing gets done so that next year they have something to talk about. So this year instead of hanging out with people who can't even stop discussing science over dinner, I thought I'd look around the city. It's decent enough. To me, it's mostly just another place with too many people, too much money for some of them, and too little for others. Plus, downtown smells like a damn sewer. They might want to work on that. Aside from the smell and the more aggressive homeless, it's not bad for a city. Definitely better than LA.
I saw a bonafide, genuine, right out of The Boondocks pimp. Slick pimp suit and everything. Frickin' awesome. That same night, I saw two kids lightin' up their crack pipes on the steps of the judicial building. Also awesome. One block up from my hotel, the erotic cake store. One block down, the leather bondage store. Directly across the street, the gay bar Stud. I love walking down the street and seeing people just doing what they do...smoking crack, eating erotic cake, and then tying themselves to a stove while their current beau beats them with leather crops and plastic penises. Makes you glad there's a place where you can get all of those things without having to get in your car.
Don't stay at the Best Western Civic Motor Inn. The amenities were there, the breakfast wasn't half bad, and the beds were comfortable. But there was a razor blade hidden in my clock. In my clock! At 2:30 AM, some crazy dude decided to inform the hotel guests that we should leave because this was his neighborhood and he didn't like us. That went on for 20 minutes while the "security" didn't do shit. On top of that, the walls are paper thin and apparently the people next door felt the need to very loudly discuss their current drug situation. Don't get me wrong. I'm all for people using drugs recreationally. But 3:45 in the morning is not the time. And if you're gonna do it, make sure you have enough to last you until morning.
I saw a bonafide, genuine, right out of The Boondocks pimp. Slick pimp suit and everything. Frickin' awesome. That same night, I saw two kids lightin' up their crack pipes on the steps of the judicial building. Also awesome. One block up from my hotel, the erotic cake store. One block down, the leather bondage store. Directly across the street, the gay bar Stud. I love walking down the street and seeing people just doing what they do...smoking crack, eating erotic cake, and then tying themselves to a stove while their current beau beats them with leather crops and plastic penises. Makes you glad there's a place where you can get all of those things without having to get in your car.
Don't stay at the Best Western Civic Motor Inn. The amenities were there, the breakfast wasn't half bad, and the beds were comfortable. But there was a razor blade hidden in my clock. In my clock! At 2:30 AM, some crazy dude decided to inform the hotel guests that we should leave because this was his neighborhood and he didn't like us. That went on for 20 minutes while the "security" didn't do shit. On top of that, the walls are paper thin and apparently the people next door felt the need to very loudly discuss their current drug situation. Don't get me wrong. I'm all for people using drugs recreationally. But 3:45 in the morning is not the time. And if you're gonna do it, make sure you have enough to last you until morning.
Friday, December 7, 2007
For the ladies
I'm tired of the bullshit. I stand in line at the grocery store and I'm surrounded by magazines giving women advice on men from other women. Are you kidding me? Men should be the ones giving the advice. Who knows what men want better than men? Apparently a woman whose sole source of information is her girlfriends and the club she hit up when she was 16. I know not all men are the same. But the following will hopefully give you more insight than you'll pay for from a college English major doing an internship at Cosmo.
So here you go:
1) You are not as fat as you think you are. I know nobody wants to tell you, but study after study has shown that men don't want skinny fucking girls. So stop worrying so damn much. Focus on your health, not your weight. They're related but not the same.
2) We don't want the "hottest new sex moves" and we certainly don't want anything listed under the heading "how to please your man". It's simple: get naked, bring food. Playing video games and enjoying raunchy humor are a bonus but not necessary. And the nudity isn't just about the sex. We're visual creatures. We like to look. It doesn't have to be whorish and there's no need for a pole to be involved. After nudity and food, everything else is icing. Plus, the hottest new sex moves are some shit that gets recycled every year. Just get a book or use Wikipedia if you want some new positions. Nothing billed as new is actually new. They were not the first to discover it and you won't be the last to do it.
3) Don't act stupid. By that, I mean be intelligent. Read a book. Make a point. Use your brain. Expand your mind. Guys don't want ditsy girls. If they do, they're stupid and you should stay away. Good men are not offended by smart women, they don't feel insecure, and they don't make you feel bad for being smart.
4) We don't need you to get all tarted up. We don't need lipstick, eye liner, eye shadow, or any of that other crap. If it makes you feel good, do it. Otherwise, tell the industry to get bent. If you all quit using that shit tomorrow life would still go on, people would still find you attractive, you'd still get laid, and you could save a good portion of your paycheck.
5) You are not as old as you think you are. There is nothing wrong with getting old. It's part of life. Holding on to youth is just sad. Remember how stupid and full of drama that shit was? Why do you want to keep clinging to it?
I'm no ladies man. And my opinion is just that. But it's time to focus on quality and meaning and not just the looks. We'll love you even if you're old and wrinkly and lumpy. I mean, we love elephants, and they're not that attractive. Just because men like to look at pretty girls doesn't mean that's all we want. It's only part of the whole. And your self-esteem affects your relationships far more than a little skin imperfection or some love handles. And finally, don't let our comments get to you. We may say celebrities or the Italian at work with the high-beams are hot, but that doesn't change the fact that we still love you and find you attractive.
So here you go:
1) You are not as fat as you think you are. I know nobody wants to tell you, but study after study has shown that men don't want skinny fucking girls. So stop worrying so damn much. Focus on your health, not your weight. They're related but not the same.
2) We don't want the "hottest new sex moves" and we certainly don't want anything listed under the heading "how to please your man". It's simple: get naked, bring food. Playing video games and enjoying raunchy humor are a bonus but not necessary. And the nudity isn't just about the sex. We're visual creatures. We like to look. It doesn't have to be whorish and there's no need for a pole to be involved. After nudity and food, everything else is icing. Plus, the hottest new sex moves are some shit that gets recycled every year. Just get a book or use Wikipedia if you want some new positions. Nothing billed as new is actually new. They were not the first to discover it and you won't be the last to do it.
3) Don't act stupid. By that, I mean be intelligent. Read a book. Make a point. Use your brain. Expand your mind. Guys don't want ditsy girls. If they do, they're stupid and you should stay away. Good men are not offended by smart women, they don't feel insecure, and they don't make you feel bad for being smart.
4) We don't need you to get all tarted up. We don't need lipstick, eye liner, eye shadow, or any of that other crap. If it makes you feel good, do it. Otherwise, tell the industry to get bent. If you all quit using that shit tomorrow life would still go on, people would still find you attractive, you'd still get laid, and you could save a good portion of your paycheck.
5) You are not as old as you think you are. There is nothing wrong with getting old. It's part of life. Holding on to youth is just sad. Remember how stupid and full of drama that shit was? Why do you want to keep clinging to it?
I'm no ladies man. And my opinion is just that. But it's time to focus on quality and meaning and not just the looks. We'll love you even if you're old and wrinkly and lumpy. I mean, we love elephants, and they're not that attractive. Just because men like to look at pretty girls doesn't mean that's all we want. It's only part of the whole. And your self-esteem affects your relationships far more than a little skin imperfection or some love handles. And finally, don't let our comments get to you. We may say celebrities or the Italian at work with the high-beams are hot, but that doesn't change the fact that we still love you and find you attractive.
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