I can safely say that I understand people even less than I did when I was younger. I've grown much older but only moderately wiser - wise enough to know that my wisdom is limited and never a good thing to say out loud. But none of that has helped me understand why people do the things they do. It's not the laziness, nonchalance, or even abject refusal to work for something that doesn't have immediate, tangible benefits. I can almost understand those non-motivations. They're human. We all want the easy way and if it's offered, it's a rare person that won't succumb. No, what I don't understand is the refusal to act on knowledge. Let me demonstrate.
Often students will ask me what I think - about their work, about their classes, or in rare cases about their life. I consider my job, as an instructor and a human, to give an honest assessment. People need to know their strengths, weaknesses, successes, and failures. And having gone through many of these same experiences, I like to think that I can provide some insight. And then, without even batting an eye, these same people will completely ignore what they heard (if they heard anything at all). They won't address their weaknesses, they won't play to their strengths, and they won't do anything differently. They just keep on going even after getting the answer. It's almost a slap in the face.
Or consider this gem - have you ever had someone ask you what you wanted or needed? Not in an offhand way, but genuinely interested in a real answer, not a backhanded remark or sarcastic quip. That's a dangerous question when posed in seriousness. The answer exposes you, putting you in a position where you have to give a piece of yourself. In some ways you're giving someone power over you by answering. If you're comfortable enough to answer it seriously, you want them to take the answer seriously and use it, preferably for good. But then they take that information and sit on it like they're hatching an egg. It's like they cared enough to ask and listen but didn't care enough to actually do anything about it. Obviously you can't give everyone everything all the time. But why ask such a personal question if only to ignore it? It's almost a slap in the face.
There are countless other things, some bigger social issues or smaller personal obstacles, but the end result is the same - refusal to use knowledge, even if it makes life better for you or someone else. This is something I see all the time but can't fathom. We're all guilty of it at some point, yet it seems like the majority of people are prone to it. Sometimes it seems like people ask these questions out of morbid curiosity with the express intent of not doing anything useful with the information. At some point it becomes so frustrating that you don't even want to answer those types of questions because no amount of honesty or conscientious answers is going to change the outcome.
Maybe it's just another predilection of humanity that has no rhyme or reason. Or maybe I'm expecting too much. Either way, it just seems inane to me to ask if you're not going to use the answer. Just keep it in mind the next time you ask a question like that. If it's a question that requires someone to share a piece of themselves or if it's a question that is hard to ask and you may not want to hear the answer, think twice about asking if you're not going to actually use the answer.
