Saturday, October 27, 2007

And the survey says....

Today was pretty easy. I put new tires on the car, wrapped up revisions for 3 dissertation chapters, played some GTA. And found a copy of Blender under a box. For giggles, I read it. Now I have something to write about (I'd say "to blog about" but blog IS NOT A VERB) while I watch The Boondocks.

Who the fuck is responsible for these ludicrous top X lists? Just insert a random number, usually 10, 50, or 100, and you have the new American pastime. Blender had "The Forty Worst Lyricists Ever". Let's examine the list. At #40 Anthony Kiedis. #37 Bryan Adams. #34 Carly Simon. #30 Kevin Federline. #23 Robert Plant. #18 Ian Anderson. #10 Jim Morrison. #1 Sting.

Are you fucking stupid? You're telling me that Sting, Jim, Ian, and Robert are worse lyricists that Kevin Federline? Apparently people with actual lyrical and musical talent can't hold a candle to the lyrics "Bring your ass/On the floor and move it real fast/I want to see your kitty and a little bit of titty/Want to know where I go when I'm in your city?" Just for that, every single person on that committee should be strapped down and forced to listen to that song until their ears explode. For God's sake, Fred Durst was only #24. He's made a career out of poorly thought out lyrics and putting into "musical" form every beef he has with other celebrities.

Don't get me wrong. Every great band has bad lyrics. But the list wasn't "Worst Lyrics Ever", it was worst lyricists. This is why pop music today is fucking useless. People can't even recognize great lyrics or music because they're surrounded by this trash. There is no Bob Dylan for my generation. He would have been run out of town.

Let's examine some lists. 100 hottest women. Why is Eva Longoria at the top? Peter's description of Sarah Jessica Parker is apt: "her face looks like a foot". 100 things you can do to please you man. Why is #1 never "show up naked"? Because that's the answer.

These things are a waste of time. Let's all agree to stop reading and watching them. That way they'll go away. Alternatively, let's put some informed people on the committee. And let's give actual reasons for why the rankings fell the way they did. If bookies ranked sports teams the way these morons organize their lists, then the Rockies would be favored to win the Series and my fantasy football team would be destined for greatness.


Also, I got the job I wanted at UW. Yay me. I guess now I'm an official scientician since I get paid to do it outside of a teaching environment.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Like Britney said, "Gimme more"

I was reading an article today on DRAM price fixing between 1999-2002. That's computer memory for non-nerds. It got me thinking about some things I think we need to discuss.

A number of years ago (I don't remember how many exactly), the AT&T monopoly over phone service was broken up in order to let more companies into the market, bring prices down, increase competition...the usual knee-jerk answers from people interested in deregulation. And to an extent, I agree. Why be at the mercy of one phone company when you can heel to five or six? Just rotating between them chasing the lowest price, but getting the same poor service from each. More to the point- has anyone looked at their phone bill lately? AT&T seems to be making a comeback. They've been given a monopoly on the iPhone market (which is funny since Apple is always pissed off about Microsoft's hold on the OS market). They're sucking up smaller companies like a hooker on balls. And now they're not just offering phone calls, but internet and cable as well. I guess we decided they were punished enough and are allowing them to resume their ways. I can't prove they're a monopoly, but its awful suspicious. Also-change your stupid name. We don't use telegraphs anymore.

Consider this: cell phones used to be hundreds of bills and were only for the tragically trendy. And the service to keep them working was just as heavy on the wallet. Skip ahead 10 years. Everyone has a cell phone (except me). Cell phones are cheaper than 12 oz. Mouse animation. Companies are giving them away. But the service prices? Not much less than they were. Net gain for the phone company. They don't have to sell phones. That's obvious by the sales pitch: they'll give you an expensive phone for cheap or give you a "free" phone for signing long-term contracts. They're making their money on the services. What services? Mostly shit that's free for land lines. They say they're not charging you for it, but the phone bill says otherwise. They may say "it's more expensive to set up cell phone services." That's only partially true. Satellites are expensive. But each one can process millions of calls that used to require banks and banks of expensive automated relay systems. Cost per phone goes down, the cost of services should too. But it hasn't.

Another good example: TVs. The LCD panels used on these are being dumped off a factory line faster than American produce on third world markets (if you get the economics joke there, good for you). Have prices come down in the past 10 years? Yes. That's to be expected. Are we still paying a premium even though the technology is 20 years old? Yes. That's where the problem is. You can pick up a 27" analog TV for $150-$200 dollars depending on where you buy and what you want. A 26" LCD will set you back 3-4 times as much. These TVs are more expensive to produce than analog TVs, but not by 3-4 times. They're much cheaper to package and ship. Loser in this equation: consumer. They get the same size tv with the same features for much more money.

It all boils down to greed. People are greedy bastards. It's something our society promotes and something we treat as a laudable goal. Get more. Get more expensive. Show those other guys what a terrific person you are because of all the things you have. When you die, dip your bones in gold so everyone knows how great you were. As for me, I'll take a land line, my eye-cancer producing TV, and internet porn. Also Jack in the Box. I'm a simple person. Those are pretty much all I need to get by.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

A letter from an old friend

No updates lately...been busy and lazy. I find out about my job this Friday. And my defense is in a month. In the interim...

I got a letter last weekend from my good buddy Santa...sorry, I mean Satan. He left it on my door, along with some excellent literature about how I can help decrease incidents involving human sacrifice this Halloween. He also left me a wonderful comic book about Jesus. Apparently, Satan's been watching me. He knows how un-godly I've been. He knows I didn't pray when I got up, when I went to bed, before I ate dinner, or before my morning BM. I forgot he was such a voyeur. I guess a spicy chicken sandwich and the runs is grounds for giving thanks to God. And apparently Christianity is the new Islam, with prescribed daily prayers before and after I do anything.

I always enjoy it when people kill trees so they can inform me that I'm going to hell. I know not all religious people are this kooky, but come on. A letter from Satan? You're really giving the middle of the road kooks a bad name. I have enough problems worrying about my own life. I don't know what it's like to sit around all day and worry about other people's immortal souls.

When was the last time you heard about someone being sacrificed? Salem, circa 1692? It's happening regularly I guess. Apparently, sacrifices INCREASE on Halloween. This implies that there is some number of sacrifices each day during the year and this particular day just brings them out. So watch your backs. Especially if you're a virgin. They seem to be the most likely targets. Also remember if you are sacrificed, I WILL laugh at you. Why? Because you were a virgin. And now everyone knows.

I never could bring myself to jump into the idea of heaven and hell. But it's times like these I hope hell exists. That way, when these knuckle-dragging fools go the way of disco and Bush's political career, I can sleep soundly knowing they're the only ones in hell who will really suffer. The rest of us will just continue doing what we loved to do here: eating, sleeping, drinking, gambling, fucking, and generally being people.

If heaven is going to be full of whining, overly pious, hate-peddling, fear-mongering, pro-war but pro-life cry-babies, I want no part of it.

Heil Satan!

Monday, October 15, 2007

Typical American

My brother posed a great question. He asked "Are you a typical American? What makes you think you are?" (paraphrased) It's a genius question because it makes you really think about what being American means and how you fit in to your own narrow definition of American. So here is my belated answer.

Am I a typical American? I have to answer yes. From this blog, you can tell I'm not particularly patriotic. In fact, I think nationalism is one of the great stains on both foreign and domestic policy. But when it comes down to it, I'm just another typical American.

Why? It's because this is the social milieu in which I was raised. It's where I feel most comfortable. It's an accident of birth. But I could never be American strictly on the basis of high minded ideals like liberty and democracy. Many peoples have those beliefs, yet aren't typical Americans.

So what makes me a typical American? I would rather point out flaws than do anything to change them. I'm not particularly willing to make sacrifices, even though they may be better for everyone in the long term. (As my lovely wife pointed out, she's gone through many difficulties in being a vegetarian and practicing what she believes. Like a typical American, I'm not really going to do that unless there's a very good, very specific reason). I'm a typical American because every day I take advantage of the personal rights we have (speech, press, assembly, etc.) and don't think twice about them. I take for granted the things I have that 90% of the world lives without. I still produce hundreds of pounds of garbage a year. I waste food that could have fed the billion starving people in the world. I tend to be individualistic. I like to think I got where I am not because I had help but because I did it myself. And, like many Americans, I find 99% of other Americans ignorant fools.

Personally, I don't want to be an American. I don't want anyone to identify with abstract concepts and arbitrary boundaries on maps. Those concepts only lead to exclusion, fear, violence, and hate. I want people to just be human, to worry about their own affairs and take care of their families. Spend less time telling other people what to believe and why. Treat them like people. You may not like their ideas or fashion or music or gods. But that's no reason to trample them. But maybe that's a part of being human though...the need to act superior and stronger than others. I think it's not. I think it's something that began as a defense and safety mechanism in pre-homo sapiens and has since become irrelevant. But it still goes on. It's still being taught in schools. Not out right, but silently, often by omission. We've defined our territory, our social boundaries, our comfort zone. Conform or die or be assimilated. Resistance is futile.

So yeah, I'm a typical American. But that's my definition of American. I'm not proud of much of what this country has done, often in the name of "the people". But I don't have to agree with everything that happens. That's the beauty of being in America. You can disagree with everything but still be accepted (with the following current exceptions: Hispanics, Latinos, Muslims, Communists). But I can't imagine living anywhere else. No matter how much I love to travel and see new places and ideas, I'll probably never be as comfortable there as I am here.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Obviously these people are not reading my blog...

Today we have two things to discuss: The U.N. and congressman Dana Rohrabacher

Here's a quote from Parade Magazine from a survey of 25,000 people asking "Does the U.N. matter?" Don Bailey writes "The UN would be effective if debate and diplomacy could actually make a difference in world affairs, but too many countries have no intention of following its mandates and just take its assistance to pursue their own agendas. The U.S. should leave the UN and deal only with nations that are truly interested in peace."

Well, FUCK YOU Don. You can kiss the fattest part of my ass and then go drive off a bridge and drown. Are you serious? The U.S. has NEVER had any intention of following ANY mandate of the U.N. The U.S. right now has no interest in any kind of peace. Just look at our foreign policy for the last seven years. The U.N. was a great idea. But since the U.S. is unwilling to share power with other members, is unwilling to follow the same rules it expects everyone to follow, and won't even pay its dues, it's become a joke. You obviously have no idea how your own country is violating the principles and ideas of the U.N. that you expect these other countries to follow. So go back to Texas and wait to die and keep your mouth shut. When you are willing to admit that the U.S. should be held to the same rules and ideals as the rest of the world, then you can open your mouth. You are why the U.N. doesn't work and your government is no better than these other countries.

Now for the congresssman. Here's his quote: "The people who are against Blackwater are against America. They want America to lose."

Your punishment for this sentence and your stupidity shall be the following: You have to go to Iraq. You will be dressed as an Iraqi local, preferably a young man. You'll be walking down the street, on your way to the local market, when a group of heavily armed mercenaries who's job is to provide "security" come around the corner. Your head will then be destroyed by a hail of bullets from a semi-automatic rifle. When your family asks why you were killed, they'll be told that you were posing a threat and no further mention will be made of you.

Obviously you didn't read my post from yesterday. Just because I believe that ALL groups in Iraq should have both congressional and civilian oversight, I'm anti-American? Blackwater is composed of nothing more than over-sexed, violent ex-military jerk-offs that apparently think they are above the law. When we send "security" groups to Iraq, their job is to protect civilians, not kill them and then hide the evidence. Since you think it's ok to do those things, they should arrest you as an accessory to murder. Fuck you. You don't deserve to live in America. You deserve to suffer with the other third-world countries you've worked so hard to militarize and exploit.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

An elephant and a fat white guy who's threatened by change

Well, I was going to bitch about my fantasy football team. But this is much better:

"In any country, if you don't have countervailing institutions, the power of any one president is problematic for democratic development"

Now, let's think for a minute who said that.....any guesses? That's right. Good old Condi Rice. Token black mouthpiece of the current administration. This was her statement regarding the powers of the executive government in Russia.

It's incredible to me that such obvious bullshit should come from the mouth of someone who, on a daily basis, defends the biggest executive branch power grab in this country's history. Just so you know what I'm talking about, remember that our president has affirmed the following:

1) The use of torture on alleged criminals, going so far as to call them "enemy combatants" to keep them out of the normal judiciary courts.
2) Unwarranted wire-tapping of U.S. citizens.
3) Providing money to religious organizations (only "Christian" ones mind you)
4) A directive delivering power to the president and executive branch during "emergencies" (that can only be declared by the president) with no congressional or judicial oversight.
5) Granting fewer requests for information than any administration in history
6) The "Patriot" Act
7) Detention of suspects with no charges, no access to counsel, and suspension of habeus corpus.

Note that most of these have no oversight by any congressional, judicial, or civilian group, and the one that does (the "Patriot" Act) is more of a token gesture than any real power to stop abuses.

I could go on. Suffice it to say that Condi and this group of ultra-conservative right-wingers have absolutely no basis for discussing how another country's executive has stomped on democracy. As far as I can tell, at no point in the past seven years has this administration given two shits about democracy. In fact, they have stepped all over individual rights and set them back a good decade or more. Need we forget the way Bush came into office in the first place? The Supreme Court may or may not have acted within its jurisdiction or powers at the time. I don't know. What I mean to show is that, from the beginning, democracy has been on shaky ground with this group of assholes.

So shut the fuck up Condi. You've done nothing to protect the democratic process here, so you have no right to judge anyone else's country. Let the Russians deal with their own issues. You have enough problems at home that you don't need to worry about anyone else. Maybe you should be more concerned with your homophobic legislators that keep turning up gay. Or maybe you should return some of those powers you stole to the people you took them from. Then maybe we can discuss Russia.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Some bones to pick

It's been awhile, so here's some angry Dr. Scientitian points of contention:

Al Gore does not deserve a Nobel Peace Prize. Period. He didn't bring peace to anything.

Do we really need a new Batman and a new Star Trek movie? The last five haven't been good, why would these be any different.

Why do we have things that sound like words but aren't words. Infotainment? Blogosphere? Prosumer? (That's "professional consumer" for those who don't know). Stop the bullshit. People have a hard enough time producing complete sentences and spelling things correctly. This new age advertising jargon needs to die the most painful kind of death and let people get on with their lives.

Finally, we have a problem in this country distinguishing support for people from support for policies. The one that springs most readily to mind is the mistaken belief that not supporting the quagmire that is Iraq is the same as not supporting the troops. That's utter nonsense. I fully support having a standing military that is well trained and supplied. I do not support using that force for personal vendettas, personal agendas, or because we think we know best. There's a huge difference there and I'm tired of hearing that there isn't. If you can't make that distinction, you probably have problems dealing with the real world.

Immigration is similar. I do not support illegal immigration, but I also don't support building a big fucking Mexico wall. Why? Because a big wall is just fucking stupid. It doesn't treat the root of the problem and it's a great way to promote fear, intolerance, and general stupidity. Illegal immigration does have implications for health care, taxation, education, and employment. But is it really necessary to treat every immigrant like a criminal? Again, you can support the people without supporting bad policy. It doesn't make you un-American. It makes you intelligent and aware that there are complex aspects to the issue.

I know America believes in simple cover-up solutions and avoiding the inherent complexities of problems, but ignoring the subtle shades means that we don't really understand the problem and therefore can't really provide a solution. As long as things are boiled down to simplistic sound clips and we continue to have all-or-nothing attitudes, things will just remain the same.

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Selected pictures of Paris

Here are some of the better pictures from Paris.


Somebody wrote this on a door in the Sacred Heart Cathedral. Awesome.


To anybody that loves music, this is awesome. The fact that CCR can sing songs about the American South and still be known in Paris is just fanfuckingtastic.


Props to the Lizard King.


This picture is awesome. In the foreground is the Peace Memorial. At the far end, the phallic symbol of the French. The large blob in the center of the tower isn't herpes. It's an advertisement for the World Rugby Championship.


I guess there really is no exit.


Would you like to play my giant organ?

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Is it bad when you sneeze blood?

I've had a beastly cold for the past few days. My throat swelled up. Then my nose started leaking like an anus after a bag of Elestra. And for the past two days I've had a horrible headache. So that's why no updates.

I had my first interview today. I don't really know whether it went well or not. Since it's a phone interview, it's hard to judge. I've never been fond of the interview simply because the questions never seem to be that useful. But what the heck. There's two positions for 4 people, so I'll take those odds.

My dissertation defense is set for Nov. 29 at 2 PM, at case anyone wants to attend. I don't anticipate changing it. Mostly because my new job would start Jan. 10 and there's no way I could do a last minute change and still make it to Washington on time.

I frickin' love the Robert Randolph and Family Band album Colorblind. Take a listen if you get a chance. Not such a fan of the new Matchbox Twenty song. But we'll see what the album is like.

Gotta get back to work. Only 6 weeks before my dissertation is due. Peace out ya'll!