No updates lately...been busy and lazy. I find out about my job this Friday. And my defense is in a month. In the interim...
I got a letter last weekend from my good buddy Santa...sorry, I mean Satan. He left it on my door, along with some excellent literature about how I can help decrease incidents involving human sacrifice this Halloween. He also left me a wonderful comic book about Jesus. Apparently, Satan's been watching me. He knows how un-godly I've been. He knows I didn't pray when I got up, when I went to bed, before I ate dinner, or before my morning BM. I forgot he was such a voyeur. I guess a spicy chicken sandwich and the runs is grounds for giving thanks to God. And apparently Christianity is the new Islam, with prescribed daily prayers before and after I do anything.
I always enjoy it when people kill trees so they can inform me that I'm going to hell. I know not all religious people are this kooky, but come on. A letter from Satan? You're really giving the middle of the road kooks a bad name. I have enough problems worrying about my own life. I don't know what it's like to sit around all day and worry about other people's immortal souls.
When was the last time you heard about someone being sacrificed? Salem, circa 1692? It's happening regularly I guess. Apparently, sacrifices INCREASE on Halloween. This implies that there is some number of sacrifices each day during the year and this particular day just brings them out. So watch your backs. Especially if you're a virgin. They seem to be the most likely targets. Also remember if you are sacrificed, I WILL laugh at you. Why? Because you were a virgin. And now everyone knows.
I never could bring myself to jump into the idea of heaven and hell. But it's times like these I hope hell exists. That way, when these knuckle-dragging fools go the way of disco and Bush's political career, I can sleep soundly knowing they're the only ones in hell who will really suffer. The rest of us will just continue doing what we loved to do here: eating, sleeping, drinking, gambling, fucking, and generally being people.
If heaven is going to be full of whining, overly pious, hate-peddling, fear-mongering, pro-war but pro-life cry-babies, I want no part of it.
Heil Satan!
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