Hiatus

Packing up the truck tomorrow and heading out Sunday. Gonna miss the Pat-Giant game. Lame. Super lame. I'll get back to updating the blog, making fun of ridiculous shit, and generally ranting about the state of the world when I get set up in Washington. Keep your noses clean.

You offend me....you know who you are

This Christmas season, we've got more of the usual bullshit going down. Apparently we still can't refer to it as Christmas. And if you refer to Chanukah, you get the shit beat out of you by a bunch of ignorant bastards. This year we have a winner of the 'dumb shit someone thought would be a good idea at Christmas' award. I guess Santa can no longer say 'Ho Ho Ho', as it's offensive to people with vaginas. If you believe this then you are no longer allowed to refer to stupid people as 'boobs', you cannot refer to cats as 'pussy cats', you can't be in the navy and lift an anchor since they chant 'heave ho', and you can't 'hoe' your garden. A big fuck you to all those people that decided to be even bigger dicks this year and started fucking with Santa. I hope your Christmas trees all burn down.

And don't think I've forgotten the hardcore Christmas crowd, most notably christians palpably ignorant of the history of their own institutions. You guys win the "most holidays stolen from other cultures and transmuted to conform to our view" award. For starters, Christmas is not originally celebratory of Jesus, since the general gift giving and celebration routine during the winter was done for centuries. For the Romans, this period was a week long festival that consisted of men giving other men gifts and having gay orgies at the bath house. "Christmas" (the word) didn't even exist until the 11th century, a full millennium after the death of Jesus. It was originally a celebration of the winter months that gave thanks for the year and the cessation of agricultural work. The Christians simply rode in and set up their own winter festival to entice the 'pagans' away from their festivals. So stop pretending Christmas is all about Jesus. If you don't know the history of your own creation, then you don't truly know what Christmas is all about.

In fact, let's be honest and call it 'Profitmas' since the key components for the past 300 years have moved further from the religious aspects and more toward the economic and gift aspects. If you celebrate Jesus's b-day, then good for you. I've got no problem with that (assuming that you know Dec. 25 was not, in fact, his real birthday). But I think your celebration should involve doing Christian things - donating time to a soup kitchen or to help the less fortunate, enjoying a meal with family, and actively engaging yourself in making the world a better place with your time and money (not by converting people). If instead you go to one church service and then revel in the secular gift giving and economically driven portion of the holiday, you are not actively engaged in the religious aspect and shouldn't act like you are. It's supremely hypocritical to say you are celebrating Jesus while being involved in a lot of spurious spending and conspicuous consumption that he would not approve of. I may not be a god-fearing church goer, but I know enough about the bible to know that most church-goers aren't really understanding what they are reading. You can interpret it however you want, but at the end of the day it's a book about just being a good human being.

Like a straight guy in a figure skating competition

I just went to a dork fest in San Francisco. Every year, 15,000 scientists descend on San Fran to discuss the latest and greatest in Earth science. Every year I have to sit through 50,000 discussions on why global warming is important and how scientists are failing to relay that importance to the public. And nothing gets done so that next year they have something to talk about. So this year instead of hanging out with people who can't even stop discussing science over dinner, I thought I'd look around the city. It's decent enough. To me, it's mostly just another place with too many people, too much money for some of them, and too little for others. Plus, downtown smells like a damn sewer. They might want to work on that. Aside from the smell and the more aggressive homeless, it's not bad for a city. Definitely better than LA.

I saw a bonafide, genuine, right out of The Boondocks pimp. Slick pimp suit and everything. Frickin' awesome. That same night, I saw two kids lightin' up their crack pipes on the steps of the judicial building. Also awesome. One block up from my hotel, the erotic cake store. One block down, the leather bondage store. Directly across the street, the gay bar Stud. I love walking down the street and seeing people just doing what they do...smoking crack, eating erotic cake, and then tying themselves to a stove while their current beau beats them with leather crops and plastic penises. Makes you glad there's a place where you can get all of those things without having to get in your car.

Don't stay at the Best Western Civic Motor Inn. The amenities were there, the breakfast wasn't half bad, and the beds were comfortable. But there was a razor blade hidden in my clock. In my clock! At 2:30 AM, some crazy dude decided to inform the hotel guests that we should leave because this was his neighborhood and he didn't like us. That went on for 20 minutes while the "security" didn't do shit. On top of that, the walls are paper thin and apparently the people next door felt the need to very loudly discuss their current drug situation. Don't get me wrong. I'm all for people using drugs recreationally. But 3:45 in the morning is not the time. And if you're gonna do it, make sure you have enough to last you until morning.

For the ladies

I'm tired of the bullshit. I stand in line at the grocery store and I'm surrounded by magazines giving women advice on men from other women. Are you kidding me? Men should be the ones giving the advice. Who knows what men want better than men? Apparently a woman whose sole source of information is her girlfriends and the club she hit up when she was 16. I know not all men are the same. But the following will hopefully give you more insight than you'll pay for from a college English major doing an internship at Cosmo.

So here you go:

1) You are not as fat as you think you are. I know nobody wants to tell you, but study after study has shown that men don't want skinny fucking girls. So stop worrying so damn much. Focus on your health, not your weight. They're related but not the same.

2) We don't want the "hottest new sex moves" and we certainly don't want anything listed under the heading "how to please your man". It's simple: get naked, bring food. Playing video games and enjoying raunchy humor are a bonus but not necessary. And the nudity isn't just about the sex. We're visual creatures. We like to look. It doesn't have to be whorish and there's no need for a pole to be involved. After nudity and food, everything else is icing. Plus, the hottest new sex moves are some shit that gets recycled every year. Just get a book or use Wikipedia if you want some new positions. Nothing billed as new is actually new. They were not the first to discover it and you won't be the last to do it.

3) Don't act stupid. By that, I mean be intelligent. Read a book. Make a point. Use your brain. Expand your mind. Guys don't want ditsy girls. If they do, they're stupid and you should stay away. Good men are not offended by smart women, they don't feel insecure, and they don't make you feel bad for being smart.

4) We don't need you to get all tarted up. We don't need lipstick, eye liner, eye shadow, or any of that other crap. If it makes you feel good, do it. Otherwise, tell the industry to get bent. If you all quit using that shit tomorrow life would still go on, people would still find you attractive, you'd still get laid, and you could save a good portion of your paycheck.

5) You are not as old as you think you are. There is nothing wrong with getting old. It's part of life. Holding on to youth is just sad. Remember how stupid and full of drama that shit was? Why do you want to keep clinging to it?

I'm no ladies man. And my opinion is just that. But it's time to focus on quality and meaning and not just the looks. We'll love you even if you're old and wrinkly and lumpy. I mean, we love elephants, and they're not that attractive. Just because men like to look at pretty girls doesn't mean that's all we want. It's only part of the whole. And your self-esteem affects your relationships far more than a little skin imperfection or some love handles. And finally, don't let our comments get to you. We may say celebrities or the Italian at work with the high-beams are hot, but that doesn't change the fact that we still love you and find you attractive.

I can officially philosophise

If finished my dissertation defense today. With a few minor revisions and a hefty amount of paperwork, I will turn in the final written version Thursday and be done with grad school. So I guess I am officially allowed to be a science geek. I still don't understand what it's a doctor of philosophy. I didn't philosophise anything and I'm certainly not a doctor. I don't operate on people or prescribe medication or make people sit in a sterile room for three hours when they showed up early for their appointment.

A few more weeks of hard work and I'll get two weeks off before starting my new job. Hopefully that also means I'll have a few minutes a day to keep this sucker updated.

A big shout out to everyone that came to defense and everyone that put up with my crazy science crap.

An open letter

to the asshole that starts his car in the parking lot and then stands behind it smoking a cigarette 3-4 times a day:

What is this, 1960? You don't have to idle your car to warm it up. You haven't had to do that for at least a decade. Unless you live in the far north. Then I'll give it to you. But you live in southern California retard. It's not even required during winter here.

All you're doing is wasting a useful resource. In a day, you're burning at least a buck worth of gas going nowhere. That's $7 a week, $30-31 a month (but you save a few bucks in February), $365 a year. You could have bought an extra 8 tanks (assuming $45 a tank) or paid somebody to take the stupid-ass spoiler off your trunk lid. Instead, you've decided to add it to our atmosphere. Thanks douche bag.

What the fuck? You've got a $40,000 car and you live in a shit hole apartment complex by the freeway. You can't afford an air conditioner that doesn't require 10-15 minutes of warm-up time? You waste expensive, non-renewable resources because you have an outdated concept of how to start a car or because you need your car to be the perfect temperature. Hey numb-nuts. Guess what. It might get to the right temperature if you didn't leave the fucking door open while idling.

Thank you, asshole who warms up his car and cools down his leather seats. It's comforting to know that every afternoon when I come home you'll be there to remind me how consumerism leads to wastefulness. And I'll be reminded to do better on conserving resources in my own life so that you'll always have gas to burn while you have your nicotine break.

I have nothing against smoking, particularly outside near the freeway where the air is already about as unhealthy as you can get, but I hope you get throat cancer.

Sincerely,
the guy who has to taste your car every time he wants to go outside

Sacajawea - little know it all that won't shut her maize hole

Turned in my dissertation to the committee today. I think that deserves a gallon of ice cream and some sweet mermaid sex.

I was having a debate today about parenthood. Apparently, I'm appallingly awful on the question of "family values". So here is my argument:

America, particularly the governmental, media, and religious aspects, love to discuss how the breakdown of families is happening at an alarming rate and what we can do to stop it. I'm referring specifically to parents raising children and spending time with them. I guess that is the great goal of man - get married, pump out a few babies, then die before you become a drain on social services. Why is this the almighty American dream? Because some douche bag with a big pointy hat said so.

Back to the point. We don't really believe in child rearing. The economic and social system in this country is not structured to nurture parental care of children. A family of four cannot easily survive on one paycheck, especially for lower income families. So both parents have to work. Next, corporate life is not arranged around time for baseball games, school plays, and homework. It's about maximizing employee work with the lowest expenses. Time off for family doesn't jive well with that. On top of all that, some psychologist with a degree from Internet Tech decided that only a child's parents should be responsible for that child. Children and families are not viewed as a responsibility or an asset of society. So parents have no helpful social support network. Sure, grandparents help out and siblings help out. But that's not the same as having a social system geared toward children. It's just extending the idea that families have to make it on their own. I can't think of anyone that would be comfortable with their child being punished by a neighbor for doing something unacceptable. You know, lighting cats on fire or masturbating in public. Kid things.

But history has shown us that families generally don't raise kids on their own. It's a recent phenomenon. We no longer send kids to boarding school. We trust our televisions but not our neighbors to teach kids. We don't give them meaningful work that adds to the family or community. Instead, we tell them they're too young to do things, we coddle them from reality, and we teach them to distrust everyone. Then they go all Menendez.

The crux of the matter is this: America professes to believe in child rearing but we don't respect parents or families. We scoff at people who would rather spend time with their family than earn money. We disrespect the women and men that work so hard to balance their expected family roles with full time jobs. We look down on women that work hard to provide their family with money and on men that would like to be fathers.

Anybody that believes the current economic and social system is family friendly and people "just aren't trying hard enough" can walk in front of a bus. If we want people to be more involved with their families (and by extension communities) we really need to rethink our priorities. Personally, I'd rather be with my family than some fat slob at the office who wants to discuss the latest world shattering development on American Idol.

And for the last time, those weren't mermaids, they were salmon!

If it walks, talks, and acts like a crook....

Welcome again to my pretentious section of cyberspace. I'm now officially 27. According to my wife I'm old. According to me I'm awesome. Maybe we should take a vote. We are a republic after all.

I want everyone to go out and read a book called The Final Days. It's a thick, poorly written, badly time-shifting, confusing, but incredibly detailed tome by Woodward and Bernstein (if you don't know who they are, I invite you to look them up) about the last months of the Nixon administration.

The reason I want you to read it is this: the incredible parallels between the Nixon government and every administration since (and many before). The amount of illegal, questionably legal, and down-right unethical actions that are accepted as standard practice in government is truly incredible and appalling. The fact that domestic wire-tapping and spying has been going on for more than 60 years has apparently been forgotten in the current debacle. Apparently, if it's kept secret, the public doesn't care. Once it's out in the open, we complain a little and then go back to accepting it. It's incredible to me that a man who obviously had great respect (I use that term liberally) for the executive office could be such a terrible representative of it.

To me, it's more than the fact that the commander-in-chief does illegal things. It's that they lie about their actions. They cover them up. Then they blame others. Or worse, they lump their actions under the catch-all term "national security". Please people...I'm begging you. Please realize that this term is utter bullshit. Should you keep your military strength and position secret? Sure. Should you be selective about what allies you share intelligence with? Yes. But for actions that are patently unconstitutional and unethical, whether domestic or foreign, national security is NEVER an acceptable excuse. And that's all it is. An excuse. National security has come to mean "in the interest of the government" not the national interest. You cannot live in a democratic republic (sorry folks...stop using the word democracy since that's not what we live in) if the government is keeping secrets directly related to keeping it in power. That's nothing better than glorified despotism.

Anyway, I recommend the book. It's a fantastic look into how far removed the government is from what its supposed to be according to our own rules for government. It's an incredible view into the minds of federal lawyers who justify illegal actions by claiming "executive privilege". It makes you wonder how much we don't know. And how much of that knowledge could be used to make this country and world a better place.

I end with this. Some powers have been handed to the federal government. The states and, by implication, the people of those states, have given the government authority over money, military, foreign, and some domestic policies. That's the whole point- to have a central body that handles things so each individual state doesn't have to. But all of those things were designed with oversight, including congressional, judicial, and civilian. The most important is civilian, since we entrusted these people to represent us. I think it's obvious we can't rely on congressional or judicial oversight, since those branches are just as bad as the executive (witness the court rulings about the 2000 election, rulings on the patriot act, the lack of congressional oversight of the war, and Congress' own poor record of ethical behavior). We the public have not been doing a very good job. It's time we stepped up our policing of the government. If they truly work for us, then they have to answer to us. It's idealism in the extreme, but you have to ask for the galaxy just to get a star.

What's with all the golf?

Hi all. It's been more than a week with no update. I've been busy dealing with my dissertation, my new job, my old job, and the blow job (not in a good way) that is Microsoft. My XBOX 360 died AGAIN. Error message: "hardware failure". Microsoft, you can eat a dick. I'm tired of the bull crap. You know there's a problem with your hardware. Fix it. I've already decided that once I get set up in WA, I'm moving to Linux and dropping Windows. Hopefully I can still use my science programs. If not, I'll install a Windows emulator. If this crap continues with the XBOX, I'm forcing them to give me a refund and I'll move on to the Wii, which had hardware problems but Nintendo fessed up and fixed them. I'm done with M$.

Now to more important things than my operating system. I was in class today and we were discussing the impacts of a warming atmosphere on the hydrologic cycle (that's water cycle for those less scientifically inclined). And I thought, what the fuck is wrong with people? The eleventy billion people living in southern CA live in a desert. Not a true desert, but close enough to not split hairs. Why are they always surprised when water runs short and shit burns down? I've concluded that humans are retarded. Just because we have the ABILITY to reshape an area and make it habitable for millions of people doesn't mean we SHOULD. Only humans could be so arrogant and ignorant as to waltz into an area with limited water supplies and lay down acre upon acre of golf courses, water parks, manicured lawns, and swimming pools. Whoever came up with that plan should be horse whipped.

We've moved whole rivers. Los Angeles has stolen (that's right, STOLEN) water from the Owen's Valley, the Colorado, and northern CA. And we still demand more. Meanwhile, we're dumping the worst quality water you can imagine, salty water even a shark wouldn't piss in, onto some of the most fertile soil in Mexico. That water was clean and productive until we got hold of it. Now it's just another by product of progress and agribusiness. Of course, water everywhere is being ruined. But it's just the worst stupidity to do it in an area that already has little water to begin with.

Oh...and congratulations to Rafael. I found out at 6:30 PM yesterday that he died. And at 10:15 PM I learned that he wasn't dead. So good for him. Any day you don't die is a good day.

And the survey says....

Today was pretty easy. I put new tires on the car, wrapped up revisions for 3 dissertation chapters, played some GTA. And found a copy of Blender under a box. For giggles, I read it. Now I have something to write about (I'd say "to blog about" but blog IS NOT A VERB) while I watch The Boondocks.

Who the fuck is responsible for these ludicrous top X lists? Just insert a random number, usually 10, 50, or 100, and you have the new American pastime. Blender had "The Forty Worst Lyricists Ever". Let's examine the list. At #40 Anthony Kiedis. #37 Bryan Adams. #34 Carly Simon. #30 Kevin Federline. #23 Robert Plant. #18 Ian Anderson. #10 Jim Morrison. #1 Sting.

Are you fucking stupid? You're telling me that Sting, Jim, Ian, and Robert are worse lyricists that Kevin Federline? Apparently people with actual lyrical and musical talent can't hold a candle to the lyrics "Bring your ass/On the floor and move it real fast/I want to see your kitty and a little bit of titty/Want to know where I go when I'm in your city?" Just for that, every single person on that committee should be strapped down and forced to listen to that song until their ears explode. For God's sake, Fred Durst was only #24. He's made a career out of poorly thought out lyrics and putting into "musical" form every beef he has with other celebrities.

Don't get me wrong. Every great band has bad lyrics. But the list wasn't "Worst Lyrics Ever", it was worst lyricists. This is why pop music today is fucking useless. People can't even recognize great lyrics or music because they're surrounded by this trash. There is no Bob Dylan for my generation. He would have been run out of town.

Let's examine some lists. 100 hottest women. Why is Eva Longoria at the top? Peter's description of Sarah Jessica Parker is apt: "her face looks like a foot". 100 things you can do to please you man. Why is #1 never "show up naked"? Because that's the answer.

These things are a waste of time. Let's all agree to stop reading and watching them. That way they'll go away. Alternatively, let's put some informed people on the committee. And let's give actual reasons for why the rankings fell the way they did. If bookies ranked sports teams the way these morons organize their lists, then the Rockies would be favored to win the Series and my fantasy football team would be destined for greatness.


Also, I got the job I wanted at UW. Yay me. I guess now I'm an official scientician since I get paid to do it outside of a teaching environment.

Like Britney said, "Gimme more"

I was reading an article today on DRAM price fixing between 1999-2002. That's computer memory for non-nerds. It got me thinking about some things I think we need to discuss.

A number of years ago (I don't remember how many exactly), the AT&T monopoly over phone service was broken up in order to let more companies into the market, bring prices down, increase competition...the usual knee-jerk answers from people interested in deregulation. And to an extent, I agree. Why be at the mercy of one phone company when you can heel to five or six? Just rotating between them chasing the lowest price, but getting the same poor service from each. More to the point- has anyone looked at their phone bill lately? AT&T seems to be making a comeback. They've been given a monopoly on the iPhone market (which is funny since Apple is always pissed off about Microsoft's hold on the OS market). They're sucking up smaller companies like a hooker on balls. And now they're not just offering phone calls, but internet and cable as well. I guess we decided they were punished enough and are allowing them to resume their ways. I can't prove they're a monopoly, but its awful suspicious. Also-change your stupid name. We don't use telegraphs anymore.

Consider this: cell phones used to be hundreds of bills and were only for the tragically trendy. And the service to keep them working was just as heavy on the wallet. Skip ahead 10 years. Everyone has a cell phone (except me). Cell phones are cheaper than 12 oz. Mouse animation. Companies are giving them away. But the service prices? Not much less than they were. Net gain for the phone company. They don't have to sell phones. That's obvious by the sales pitch: they'll give you an expensive phone for cheap or give you a "free" phone for signing long-term contracts. They're making their money on the services. What services? Mostly shit that's free for land lines. They say they're not charging you for it, but the phone bill says otherwise. They may say "it's more expensive to set up cell phone services." That's only partially true. Satellites are expensive. But each one can process millions of calls that used to require banks and banks of expensive automated relay systems. Cost per phone goes down, the cost of services should too. But it hasn't.

Another good example: TVs. The LCD panels used on these are being dumped off a factory line faster than American produce on third world markets (if you get the economics joke there, good for you). Have prices come down in the past 10 years? Yes. That's to be expected. Are we still paying a premium even though the technology is 20 years old? Yes. That's where the problem is. You can pick up a 27" analog TV for $150-$200 dollars depending on where you buy and what you want. A 26" LCD will set you back 3-4 times as much. These TVs are more expensive to produce than analog TVs, but not by 3-4 times. They're much cheaper to package and ship. Loser in this equation: consumer. They get the same size tv with the same features for much more money.

It all boils down to greed. People are greedy bastards. It's something our society promotes and something we treat as a laudable goal. Get more. Get more expensive. Show those other guys what a terrific person you are because of all the things you have. When you die, dip your bones in gold so everyone knows how great you were. As for me, I'll take a land line, my eye-cancer producing TV, and internet porn. Also Jack in the Box. I'm a simple person. Those are pretty much all I need to get by.

A letter from an old friend

No updates lately...been busy and lazy. I find out about my job this Friday. And my defense is in a month. In the interim...

I got a letter last weekend from my good buddy Santa...sorry, I mean Satan. He left it on my door, along with some excellent literature about how I can help decrease incidents involving human sacrifice this Halloween. He also left me a wonderful comic book about Jesus. Apparently, Satan's been watching me. He knows how un-godly I've been. He knows I didn't pray when I got up, when I went to bed, before I ate dinner, or before my morning BM. I forgot he was such a voyeur. I guess a spicy chicken sandwich and the runs is grounds for giving thanks to God. And apparently Christianity is the new Islam, with prescribed daily prayers before and after I do anything.

I always enjoy it when people kill trees so they can inform me that I'm going to hell. I know not all religious people are this kooky, but come on. A letter from Satan? You're really giving the middle of the road kooks a bad name. I have enough problems worrying about my own life. I don't know what it's like to sit around all day and worry about other people's immortal souls.

When was the last time you heard about someone being sacrificed? Salem, circa 1692? It's happening regularly I guess. Apparently, sacrifices INCREASE on Halloween. This implies that there is some number of sacrifices each day during the year and this particular day just brings them out. So watch your backs. Especially if you're a virgin. They seem to be the most likely targets. Also remember if you are sacrificed, I WILL laugh at you. Why? Because you were a virgin. And now everyone knows.

I never could bring myself to jump into the idea of heaven and hell. But it's times like these I hope hell exists. That way, when these knuckle-dragging fools go the way of disco and Bush's political career, I can sleep soundly knowing they're the only ones in hell who will really suffer. The rest of us will just continue doing what we loved to do here: eating, sleeping, drinking, gambling, fucking, and generally being people.

If heaven is going to be full of whining, overly pious, hate-peddling, fear-mongering, pro-war but pro-life cry-babies, I want no part of it.

Heil Satan!

Typical American

My brother posed a great question. He asked "Are you a typical American? What makes you think you are?" (paraphrased) It's a genius question because it makes you really think about what being American means and how you fit in to your own narrow definition of American. So here is my belated answer.

Am I a typical American? I have to answer yes. From this blog, you can tell I'm not particularly patriotic. In fact, I think nationalism is one of the great stains on both foreign and domestic policy. But when it comes down to it, I'm just another typical American.

Why? It's because this is the social milieu in which I was raised. It's where I feel most comfortable. It's an accident of birth. But I could never be American strictly on the basis of high minded ideals like liberty and democracy. Many peoples have those beliefs, yet aren't typical Americans.

So what makes me a typical American? I would rather point out flaws than do anything to change them. I'm not particularly willing to make sacrifices, even though they may be better for everyone in the long term. (As my lovely wife pointed out, she's gone through many difficulties in being a vegetarian and practicing what she believes. Like a typical American, I'm not really going to do that unless there's a very good, very specific reason). I'm a typical American because every day I take advantage of the personal rights we have (speech, press, assembly, etc.) and don't think twice about them. I take for granted the things I have that 90% of the world lives without. I still produce hundreds of pounds of garbage a year. I waste food that could have fed the billion starving people in the world. I tend to be individualistic. I like to think I got where I am not because I had help but because I did it myself. And, like many Americans, I find 99% of other Americans ignorant fools.

Personally, I don't want to be an American. I don't want anyone to identify with abstract concepts and arbitrary boundaries on maps. Those concepts only lead to exclusion, fear, violence, and hate. I want people to just be human, to worry about their own affairs and take care of their families. Spend less time telling other people what to believe and why. Treat them like people. You may not like their ideas or fashion or music or gods. But that's no reason to trample them. But maybe that's a part of being human though...the need to act superior and stronger than others. I think it's not. I think it's something that began as a defense and safety mechanism in pre-homo sapiens and has since become irrelevant. But it still goes on. It's still being taught in schools. Not out right, but silently, often by omission. We've defined our territory, our social boundaries, our comfort zone. Conform or die or be assimilated. Resistance is futile.

So yeah, I'm a typical American. But that's my definition of American. I'm not proud of much of what this country has done, often in the name of "the people". But I don't have to agree with everything that happens. That's the beauty of being in America. You can disagree with everything but still be accepted (with the following current exceptions: Hispanics, Latinos, Muslims, Communists). But I can't imagine living anywhere else. No matter how much I love to travel and see new places and ideas, I'll probably never be as comfortable there as I am here.

Obviously these people are not reading my blog...

Today we have two things to discuss: The U.N. and congressman Dana Rohrabacher

Here's a quote from Parade Magazine from a survey of 25,000 people asking "Does the U.N. matter?" Don Bailey writes "The UN would be effective if debate and diplomacy could actually make a difference in world affairs, but too many countries have no intention of following its mandates and just take its assistance to pursue their own agendas. The U.S. should leave the UN and deal only with nations that are truly interested in peace."

Well, FUCK YOU Don. You can kiss the fattest part of my ass and then go drive off a bridge and drown. Are you serious? The U.S. has NEVER had any intention of following ANY mandate of the U.N. The U.S. right now has no interest in any kind of peace. Just look at our foreign policy for the last seven years. The U.N. was a great idea. But since the U.S. is unwilling to share power with other members, is unwilling to follow the same rules it expects everyone to follow, and won't even pay its dues, it's become a joke. You obviously have no idea how your own country is violating the principles and ideas of the U.N. that you expect these other countries to follow. So go back to Texas and wait to die and keep your mouth shut. When you are willing to admit that the U.S. should be held to the same rules and ideals as the rest of the world, then you can open your mouth. You are why the U.N. doesn't work and your government is no better than these other countries.

Now for the congresssman. Here's his quote: "The people who are against Blackwater are against America. They want America to lose."

Your punishment for this sentence and your stupidity shall be the following: You have to go to Iraq. You will be dressed as an Iraqi local, preferably a young man. You'll be walking down the street, on your way to the local market, when a group of heavily armed mercenaries who's job is to provide "security" come around the corner. Your head will then be destroyed by a hail of bullets from a semi-automatic rifle. When your family asks why you were killed, they'll be told that you were posing a threat and no further mention will be made of you.

Obviously you didn't read my post from yesterday. Just because I believe that ALL groups in Iraq should have both congressional and civilian oversight, I'm anti-American? Blackwater is composed of nothing more than over-sexed, violent ex-military jerk-offs that apparently think they are above the law. When we send "security" groups to Iraq, their job is to protect civilians, not kill them and then hide the evidence. Since you think it's ok to do those things, they should arrest you as an accessory to murder. Fuck you. You don't deserve to live in America. You deserve to suffer with the other third-world countries you've worked so hard to militarize and exploit.

An elephant and a fat white guy who's threatened by change

Well, I was going to bitch about my fantasy football team. But this is much better:

"In any country, if you don't have countervailing institutions, the power of any one president is problematic for democratic development"

Now, let's think for a minute who said that.....any guesses? That's right. Good old Condi Rice. Token black mouthpiece of the current administration. This was her statement regarding the powers of the executive government in Russia.

It's incredible to me that such obvious bullshit should come from the mouth of someone who, on a daily basis, defends the biggest executive branch power grab in this country's history. Just so you know what I'm talking about, remember that our president has affirmed the following:

1) The use of torture on alleged criminals, going so far as to call them "enemy combatants" to keep them out of the normal judiciary courts.
2) Unwarranted wire-tapping of U.S. citizens.
3) Providing money to religious organizations (only "Christian" ones mind you)
4) A directive delivering power to the president and executive branch during "emergencies" (that can only be declared by the president) with no congressional or judicial oversight.
5) Granting fewer requests for information than any administration in history
6) The "Patriot" Act
7) Detention of suspects with no charges, no access to counsel, and suspension of habeus corpus.

Note that most of these have no oversight by any congressional, judicial, or civilian group, and the one that does (the "Patriot" Act) is more of a token gesture than any real power to stop abuses.

I could go on. Suffice it to say that Condi and this group of ultra-conservative right-wingers have absolutely no basis for discussing how another country's executive has stomped on democracy. As far as I can tell, at no point in the past seven years has this administration given two shits about democracy. In fact, they have stepped all over individual rights and set them back a good decade or more. Need we forget the way Bush came into office in the first place? The Supreme Court may or may not have acted within its jurisdiction or powers at the time. I don't know. What I mean to show is that, from the beginning, democracy has been on shaky ground with this group of assholes.

So shut the fuck up Condi. You've done nothing to protect the democratic process here, so you have no right to judge anyone else's country. Let the Russians deal with their own issues. You have enough problems at home that you don't need to worry about anyone else. Maybe you should be more concerned with your homophobic legislators that keep turning up gay. Or maybe you should return some of those powers you stole to the people you took them from. Then maybe we can discuss Russia.

Some bones to pick

It's been awhile, so here's some angry Dr. Scientitian points of contention:

Al Gore does not deserve a Nobel Peace Prize. Period. He didn't bring peace to anything.

Do we really need a new Batman and a new Star Trek movie? The last five haven't been good, why would these be any different.

Why do we have things that sound like words but aren't words. Infotainment? Blogosphere? Prosumer? (That's "professional consumer" for those who don't know). Stop the bullshit. People have a hard enough time producing complete sentences and spelling things correctly. This new age advertising jargon needs to die the most painful kind of death and let people get on with their lives.

Finally, we have a problem in this country distinguishing support for people from support for policies. The one that springs most readily to mind is the mistaken belief that not supporting the quagmire that is Iraq is the same as not supporting the troops. That's utter nonsense. I fully support having a standing military that is well trained and supplied. I do not support using that force for personal vendettas, personal agendas, or because we think we know best. There's a huge difference there and I'm tired of hearing that there isn't. If you can't make that distinction, you probably have problems dealing with the real world.

Immigration is similar. I do not support illegal immigration, but I also don't support building a big fucking Mexico wall. Why? Because a big wall is just fucking stupid. It doesn't treat the root of the problem and it's a great way to promote fear, intolerance, and general stupidity. Illegal immigration does have implications for health care, taxation, education, and employment. But is it really necessary to treat every immigrant like a criminal? Again, you can support the people without supporting bad policy. It doesn't make you un-American. It makes you intelligent and aware that there are complex aspects to the issue.

I know America believes in simple cover-up solutions and avoiding the inherent complexities of problems, but ignoring the subtle shades means that we don't really understand the problem and therefore can't really provide a solution. As long as things are boiled down to simplistic sound clips and we continue to have all-or-nothing attitudes, things will just remain the same.

Selected pictures of Paris

Here are some of the better pictures from Paris.


Somebody wrote this on a door in the Sacred Heart Cathedral. Awesome.


To anybody that loves music, this is awesome. The fact that CCR can sing songs about the American South and still be known in Paris is just fanfuckingtastic.


Props to the Lizard King.


This picture is awesome. In the foreground is the Peace Memorial. At the far end, the phallic symbol of the French. The large blob in the center of the tower isn't herpes. It's an advertisement for the World Rugby Championship.


I guess there really is no exit.


Would you like to play my giant organ?

Is it bad when you sneeze blood?

I've had a beastly cold for the past few days. My throat swelled up. Then my nose started leaking like an anus after a bag of Elestra. And for the past two days I've had a horrible headache. So that's why no updates.

I had my first interview today. I don't really know whether it went well or not. Since it's a phone interview, it's hard to judge. I've never been fond of the interview simply because the questions never seem to be that useful. But what the heck. There's two positions for 4 people, so I'll take those odds.

My dissertation defense is set for Nov. 29 at 2 PM, at case anyone wants to attend. I don't anticipate changing it. Mostly because my new job would start Jan. 10 and there's no way I could do a last minute change and still make it to Washington on time.

I frickin' love the Robert Randolph and Family Band album Colorblind. Take a listen if you get a chance. Not such a fan of the new Matchbox Twenty song. But we'll see what the album is like.

Gotta get back to work. Only 6 weeks before my dissertation is due. Peace out ya'll!

Could I see your passport again? We're not quite sure who you are yet.

Back from Paris. Don't let people bullshit you. It's a wonderful city. Sure, it's got tourist traps and some of the famous stuff probably shouldn't be that famous. But the city has a charm that is distinctly lacking in the U.S. I'll post some pictures tomorrow. Right now, let's discuss why this may be the last foreign trip I make.

I don't have anything against traveling per se. It's fine to see things you'll never see anywhere else. It's a rare chance to see places with thousands of years of history and culture, not just 200 or so. But FUCK airports and the assholes that think long lines and cursory glances at baggage means people are safer. How many times is it necessary to look at a passport? For Christ's sake, all they did was open it, make a quick glance at the picture, ask a few pithy questions about the bags, and then hand it right back. They checked it before getting in line for the flight check-in, again at the check-in desk, again after checking in, again at customs, again at the security booth, again before boarding, and again in the middle of the walkway to board the plane. This is why people blow up airports. Not to terrorize or punish non-believers. They're fucking pissed because of the bullshit. Back in the good ol' USA, these same fuckers made us stand in line to have the passports checked at customs, then they proceeded to make us stand in line for clearing the goods we brought in. At neither place was any kind of actual security check done. They practically waived us through after making us wait in line. All told, we probably stood in lines for 4 hours and had our passports checked nearly a dozen times. Is it really necessary? Twice, sure. Three times, I can live with. Twice in each country? Seems fair. But what the fuck? I guess somebody needed a job for his retarded brother-in-law, so they invented the position of International Passenger Passport Checker and gave him free reign to hire his retarded friends for similar made up positions.

This is what passes for security. We've traded hours of time just for the APPEARANCE of safety. Listen good...planes are no safer now than before 2001. But we have more bullshit, more wasted money, and more wasted time. Bravo America. Instead of addressing the roots of the problem, we've put another bandage on the wound and left it at that. The ulcer is still festering underneath, but fuck it! At least his passport was looked at.

Also America, you suck when it comes to welcoming foreigners. We flew to France without any French to lean on. With only minimal difficulty, found our way through the airport, got to where we needed to go, and found the people to be generally helpful and willing to speak what English they could when we struggled. Coming to LAX, the American "authorities", the "face of the nation" (taken from their own lame poster), proceeded to not be useful, did not appear to want to help anyone, and generally just continued speaking English with no regard for the fact that the Korean woman with her family and bags obviously didn't understand it the first 15 times. The signs were only posted in English, with random French or Spanish thrown in pointing to exits. At Charles de-Gaulle, most of the signs were in French, but with smaller print for English, Japanese, and German. How difficult is to do the same here?

Aside from the passport identity crisis, I had a fantastic trip. If it wasn't for the bullshit meted out by "Homeland Security" and the airlines themselves, I would consider traveling more often. As it is, there is plenty to see in America and I don't have to spend what essentially amounts to an entire useful day waiting in line to have my passport looked at by some dill-hole with a 4th grade education who wants to make small talk about how great it is to be back in the U.S.

I recommend traveling to Paris and enjoying a city that doesn't really feel like a city. The food is great, the atmosphere was relaxed, and the art and architecture were far beyond what we call history in this country. But give hell to airports and their obvious deficiency and incompetence when it comes to air travel and customer service. If a company treated their employees the way airports and airlines treat their patrons, they would be met with lawsuits, a fat Chapter 11 filing, and no one to feel bad for them.

Paris...hopefully the wine will make up for the flight

Leaving for Paris in the morning. I'll try to post pictures along the way. I'm mostly interested in watching the people. I get the feeling that no matter where you go, people just want to do people things. It's like a cat. No matter where you put it, he's just going to sleep all day, lick his butt, and act like he owns the place. Come to think of it, people are just like cats. But with less sleeping and more acting like we own places we don't. Probably an equal amount of butt licking. Here's a poem about computers. Notre technologie a déjà surpassé notre capacité de la commander!
..........................................................
Erase Me


I’ve been troubled for so long,
as to what to do with the present day,
the greed and growth and semiconductors
are out of control

I’m buried hunched at a screen,
a few
quick
finger strokes
I’m going down
It gives me no warmth.
we’ve lost touch.
Inebriated in a web,
tangled fiber and microchips
are in control

Files of garbage, files in files,
The Virus is killing us
The planes are coming down
“We are ready!”
Of course not. The testament to irrationality
lies in our innate logic being given over to rigid
electrical pulses.

It buried me, killed me,
Drone of key strokes
They killed me
no warmth, no touch, no love.

Before it eats me
grows over me
before the imposition of permanent rigidity
or testament to impersonality,
before sunset burns flaming ball red
and gold and glares off cold, staring
eyes with no zeal but for
zealous distance
Before God becomes a structure of
binary
composition


Erase me.

Making an argument based on ignoring evidence is called being an asshole

Robert Jordan died, in case anyone cares. I read all those books. They were decent enough. Far too much description, far too short on advancing the plot, and far too many plots and characters. The series should have ended after about 6 books. Now, I guess we'll never know. Oh well...that's why you shouldn't write horrifically long sets of books.

Two more days before I leave for Paris. I've heard everything from how great it is to how awful it is. I guess I'll have to go find out for myself. I'll try to post some pictures while I'm there, since I haven't bothered to post any yet. If anyone knows a good way to upload pictures to something approximating an album on the blog, I'll post pictures of my various travels. I could look myself but I'm being lazy right now. But science is great. World travel on tax payer dollars.

One more thought. What's with the cherry picking? Everyone does it to varying degrees. But it's most notable in religion, politics, and economics, where it's often used to the detriment of others. If you believe the Bible is the word of God, then how can you cherry pick parts that you follow and parts you don't? I actually heard someone say, out loud, that other gospels to Bible (and there are eighty some odd) have to be carefully picked over to find the ones that should be followed and the ones that are not true and should not be believed. Really? Do you not see the idiocy in your own words? When did you become sole expert on who gets to write about Jesus and who doesn't? All you're doing is lying to yourselves and giving the impression that you're unwilling to examine the evidence and possibilities right in front of you. And to politicians: Really? Because the last time I read the second amendment, the right of the people to bear arms was necessary in a well regulated militia. When did we forget the militia part? The last militia we had in this country was busy patrolling the border with Mexico and spouting imperialistic dogma and incredibly misleading statistics. These people should definitely not have guns. So let's all agree that it's bullshit. Whether you want to keep doing it or not, let's at least agree on that. You can't make intelligent people follow you by claiming you've made your choice based on good evidence when other good evidence directly contradicts yours. You can only do that to the stupid ones. Which I guess is enough, since it seems to be working.

I leave you with this, the greatest site in the internets that I've found besides my favorite comic sites. The motto is the greatest thing I've heard lately:Fighting to free humanity from the mind disorder known as theism. It's just antipodean creationism. But it's nice to know there are people fighting excesses with equally crazy excesses. At least they're not killing each other, just tossing words and lawsuits back and forth.

More poems and angry rants on perceived ridiculousness to come before I leave Saturday. Most likely a rant on how America likes to publicize and eradicate "cults" but runs the military using proven cult leadership techniques. So check back. I've also got a good piece brewing based on a question Adam asked: do I think I am a typical American and what characteristics make me think that?

Once again, ethics has been hedged and government has failed us...

I got creamed in Fantasy Football today...in honor, let's discuss some football news first.

All anyone wants to talk about is Bill Belichick and the signal stealing incident. Opinions are flying, pundits are punditing, and the Patriots are refusing to add more grist to the rumor mill. Rather than spewing my own opinion of the situation, I'd like to point out the deeper issue: cheating.

I've heard plenty of "well, everyone does it. This was just a more brazen form". This is probably true. Why do you think coaches cover their mouths when calling plays (besides to channel their voice into the microphone)? Why do poker players have poker faces? Why do catchers try to conceal pitch calls and pitchers conceal how they're fingering the ball? Answer: to keep the other team from gaining an advantage. But let's not kid ourselves...stealing signals using inside information, observation, or filming them is still cheating. It's like downloading music. No matter how you justify it, it's still stealing. So if the problem is cheating, measures need to be taken. ANY attempt to figure out another team's signals should be considered cheating and punishable. It's a very simple premise: if caught cheating in any way, it will be met with immediate and pre-defined punishment. Of course, there should be well-defined avenues for handling accusations, minimum standards for evidence, and all the normal safe-guards to prevent abuse of the system. But there should never be equivocation on whether some forms of cheating are acceptable. It shouldn't be acceptable except in "brazen" circumstances. Will it still happen? Yes. Because pressure to win and to sell tickets and commercials is paramount in sports. And because some people just can't win without an advantage. Just stop kidding yourselves...cheating is cheating whether everyone does it or not. Unless we all agree that certain forms of signal stealing are acceptable and therefore not cheating, then they are all unsportsmanlike.

Now we get to this: outlawing baggy pants. Does the stupidity of this even need explanation? Apparently. I'm not going to provide it. If this is high on your list of priorities, ahead of environmental destruction, poverty, hunger, war, racism, misogyny, stupidity (do I need to go on?) then I don't want to meet you. This is the kind of shit that starts people down paths that only end in intolerance and bitterness. Where does it end? Are we going to outlaw bikinis because they show too much skin? What about thin white cotton shirts that might show chest muscles or, heaven forbid, breasts? How about pants that are loose, but only show the elastic band of your boxers? I want to know...how does another person's choice of dress personally harm your life, liberties, or property? If you think it does, then hurry up and die. Because it doesn't. It might upset your sensibilities and it might clash with the way you think other people should behave, but it in no way affects your life. Just don't look. It's like t.v. - it you don't like what's on, don't watch. This is an example of the absolute worst in people and government. Elected officials wasted valuable time debating this. Instead of working on legislation to improve public infrastructure or schools, reduce poverty and unemployment, or provide community events and facilities they took time to argue about clothes and what proper clothes should be. To any official that took part in this debate: I hope you're kicked out of office so hard your mother tastes my shoe. You are what is wrong with government. You only perpetuate stupidity and world class uselessness. You deserve prison far more than kids peddling pot.

And to Mr. R.E. Williams of the Atlanta police department. FUCK YOU! I hope you die in a fire. That's the most ignorant thing I've seen in print today. While generalizations are good when they help organize information, your generalization was not based on any type of objective data but instead on your perception of the people you deal with. You deal with criminals. Therefore, your ideas of baggy pants are pretty skewed. You represent the reason people detest police everywhere. If you were a politician, a statement like that would result in a resignation. The same should happen to you. Well...that or the fire.

Rabbit Turds

It's a day for random things and random thoughts. 5 hours of dissertation writing and plenty more before bed will do that. So in no particular order:

Kait has kindly offered to collaborate. I'm assuming that means she is a magical machine that I can hum a tune or throw out some lyrics at and, being more talented than myself, can put it into a form that doesn't make you cringe and stuff a pencil into your ear. I'll post some things I've been working on soon.

Alex the parrot died. The bird could count to six, recognize shapes and colors, and had a repertoire of words bigger than a Kansan creationist. Hell, most of the people at UCI can barely count to six.

I was sitting in the bathtub, reading about the history of labor in America. Since after the Civil War, corporate profits in America have gone up, with a few exceptions during intense depressions. Yet labor has had to fight to get any share of those profits. How's that for fucked up? Now we have CEOs making 100X or more what their janitors are making. Again, what the fuck? There are no words for such outrageousness. This system is fucked. But since our priorities are focused fearing terrorists and not displeasing Jesus, I guess it'll have to wait. I'm sure there's a much better analysis that could be done. But for now, there's the gist of the problem.

Last, lets talk prayer. If I understand this correctly, if you pray and get what you want, God wanted it that way. If you pray and don't get what you want, God wanted it that way. So how exactly does the praying help? I know...it's a way to commune with God. Really? Because the last time I asked people what they were communing for, they were praying for things or asking the big God Fgrog (about two people will find that funny) to do something. Watch over people, protect America, give you strength, allow you to win music awards or boink the hot Italian with the high-beams at work. People want to believe in something, and there's nothing wrong with that. We want to feel like we can, in some measure, have some influence over things we can't control. But if you've worked hard all your life and you win that award or nail that Italian, congratulate yourself. You worked hard to get there. I didn't see Jesus training for that marathon. Hard to run with nails in your feet. (How's that for anti-Catholic Bill Donohue?)

The previous paragraph brought up another thought: why do people say "if it's meant to be it'll be"? Does it really take 7 words (9 without contractions) to say absolutely nothing? The only possible meaning of that sentence is that you believe things are preordained. If so, then by all means continue using it. But if you don't, lets agree to stop using it. This postulate is usually offered when something may or may not happen. You've got a 50% chance of A or B. Say...badger to the face or a sharp stick in the eye. One will happen. The other won't. It's a simple thing. That phrase is right up there with "things happen for a reason". Here again, it assumes you believe that things are preordained, that one thing happens so that another can happen (e.g. badger to face so you can be rescued by Miss Badger Handler 2007). It's a stupid phrase. Of course things happen for a reason. You got herpes BECAUSE you had sex with Miss Badger Handler. Let's all agree to start weeding out phrases that don't say anything. In both cases, I guess if you believe it, then it's true, and if you don't, it's not. There...how's that for an awkward sentence that says nothing?

Bored as hell and I wanna get ill

Writing is hard. I guess if it was easy every douche-bag would be putting bad grammar and terrible analogies in my books. Not that there aren't enough bad ones already and more to come from the thriller and mystery sections at the book store.

I'm just bitchin' because I've spent 3 hours trying to find a chord progression for some lyrics that someone would probably read and then piss themselves laughing at. I can't find the sound I'm looking for (insert Back to the Future joke here). I need a magical box that will let me sing into it and it'll tell me what the hell the note I'm singing is. At least that way I could figure out what the melody is. My ears suck for this kind of work. I'll try another day.

I have a lot of respect for people that can do this professionally. They must spend days looking for the exact word or phrase or rhythm. Me...I'm far too lazy. It doesn't help that every essay I turned in from middle school to college was hailed as a masterpiece by my teachers. It's really hard to get used to having my science writing destroyed every time I think I've covered my bases. I always thought you had to write for yourself. But if you want other people to read it or understand it, you have to put yourself in their position. And that's something I've never been able to do. That's why I'm not a writer. I'm a part-time word jockey with an interest in language and word play. A neophyte in the grand tradition of poorly written tv scripts, news reports with no news, and stilted lyrics about lady humps.

Whatever...it's for me. If everyone else appreciates it, it's a bonus.

I'm off to the place where my homeboys chill.

Remember 11/9...sorry, I'm European

So my brother didn't have any words of wisdom for America on the 6th anniversary of 9/11 since he was busy busting Steely Dan's balls (Drunkard of Oz). So here's my two cents.

To All Americans:

9/11 was a tragedy of epic proportions. Approximately 2,976 people died that day, including many of the rescue workers. Let me state right here...the next jerk-off that says "2,740 AMERICANS" died will get raped by my size 13. Whether they were American citizens or foreign born they were ALL murdered, they ALL died in the same horrific way, and they ALL deserve to be remembered.

I am saddened for the pain those families endured, and I'm particularly hurt that their pain was so public. I'm saddened for the good Muslims of this world whose religion and culture has been smeared, feared, misunderstood, and purposely stepped on because of this. I don't believe in patriotism or nationalism, but at times like this I am heartened to see people come together and display their more charitable tendencies.

I want people to stop saying "pray for the families" and "God bless America and the families". It's not because I'm mean spirited. It's mostly because I'm tired of God apparently showing favoritism to America when we've done so much directly contradicting the things we profess to believe in. What I do want is for America to stop, and really THINK (as opposed to getting on their horses and riding off to war) about what those families went through. I want people to be empathetic. I want America to reach out to those who have lost and give them the support they need. I also want America to really THINK (there's that word again) about why this happened and how we can prevent it.

If you're still reading, I guess that's good. You're not so offended you've writeen this off and gone back to cruising for internet porn. Remember...just because you're offended doesn't mean there's not a good idea or a nugget of truth buried in the words. Now the good part. I'm sorry America, but it's time to come clean: We should accept our share of the blame for this catastrophe. No, I don't want to imply that those people in any way deserved to die, or that this should have ever happened, or that I am in any way suggesting what happened was an acceptable form of action, or that there is some magical conspiracy land where our government killed all those people just to justify a war. I simply mean this: The foreign policy of the United States government, as well as much of the Western world, has interfered with the Middle East for centuries. From imperialism to forced democracy, we have repeatedly violated the region with our own values and our own religious beliefs. If I were them, I'd be sick of it too. We have had a hand in creating the monster. We cannot just shirk off that role because we don't like it. Every person, myself included, bears part of the blame. We have voted our government into power. We tacitly accept their foreign policy if we do not actively say "NO MORE".

There is a solution. Let's let other people and cultures govern other people and cultures. Stop being the police. When another government accuses the U.S. of interference or infringing on its rights, lets take it seriously instead of giving it the cold shoulder and the typical "we know what's best" attitude. When another government requests assistance, offer aid. When allies request defensive protection from aggressors, offer assistance. But in all cases, treat fairly. We fucked the Native Americans so hard they're still having trouble walking straight. We've done the same thing to countless other governments, regimes, and countries. It's time to become another nation in the world, not THE NATION. It's time to follow the same rules we expect everyone else to follow. How novel is that concept?

I'll end with this: I don't offend easily. But I'm offended by 9/11. I'm offended that there are people in the world who use terror and death and fear-mongering to get their point across. This goes for fanatics of all religions, as well as governments, politicians, and the media. I'm offended that people are profiting from this tragedy. I'm offended that "respected religious leaders" (I use that term sardonically) have blamed this tragedy on "...the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this happen.'". Unfortunately, I'm such a believer in free speech that I will stand by their right to say it. Personally, I'd rather see them stoned to death and their bodies buried upside down in a grave at the local dump. I'm offended that good people have become minority-hating, anti-immigration jackals because of this. It really gets my blood boiling. These types of reactions just mean that the terrorists can continue their campaign because it's working.

To all the families affected by 9/11...my deepest regrets for your loss and my sympathy for the public display of your grief. I hope your pain will lead you to do things to improve the situation, not just lash out in anger and continue down the road of fear and mistrust.

Twofer

Well, today's a two for one special, since tomorrow will be spent with my tv, some NFL action, and leftover pizza. First on tap is a poem I wrote. I don't really know how to explain it, so I'll leave the interpretation to you. Second is a a song I wrote many moons ago, but is still one of my favorites. When I get a microphone that isn't terrible, I'll post the music. Maybe I'll sing it if I really want to make your panties wet.

.......................................................
Any More….Any Less


If I loved you any more I'd be obsessed.

But everything erodes.
Now I'm taken with the idea of you never coming home.
Just keep smiling, like you're special.
Like you got away with something.
It keeps me from noticing your vacant stare.
Vacuous...insipid...inane,
striving to be meaningful.
Convinced you have a righteous cause.
And that you're not selling out by saying so.
Hold fast your new fads, your south atkins diet,
and cry yourself to sleep because you're hungry
and too skinny to be pretty.
Compare yourself to the calendar
and feel bad. Not because you're bad.
But because you're stupid. And you don't care.
If the lightbulb in your head was on as often
as your porch light I wouldn't be so concerned.
We know you're open for business;
you don't need the neon sign in the bedroom window.
Just keep moving,
roving eyes with lack of focus.
The wall, the tv, anywhere but the mirror on the ceiling.
Bury the shame deep, because I can dig for days.
And all I've got is time.

If I loved you any less I'd be a murderer.
........................................................

For What It’s Worth

I know that there’s nothing left of us
except these painful memories.
Her body heat cast shadows on my bed.
Her perfume lingers in the air.

What else do I have to say,
A piece of me has died each day
Since we have gone our separate ways

I would do anything,
just to feel her heartbeat next to mine
We always chose to break before we’d bend.
For what it’s worth, I’ll love you ‘til the end.

I still hear your voice at night
telling me there’s nothing to fear.
My fingers seek your skin for reassurance,
But now you’re just a ghost inside my head.

Now there’s not much more to lose,
life’s been hell since we’ve been through.
All I want to do is make you happy.

I would do anything,
just to feel her heartbeat next to mine
I know that we’ll never meet again.
For what it’s worth, I’ll love you ‘til the end.
.......................................................

My music stays in heavy rotation like a washing machine

Hooray for me. I applied for my first real job today. I guess technically it's not a real job, since the position is only for 2 years, if that. But at least it will get me out of graduate school and make payday a little more enjoyable. I feel good about the application. So good that I'm going to share some thoughts on one of the great joys in my life: music.

After reading my brother's post on why aussies have bad taste in music (Music Worth Your While), I thought about what it means to say "I hate [insert music genre here]". This could make a novel, so I'll just give some highlights. There's plenty of space to discuss this further later. For starters, you don't have to like all music equally. You can have favorite genres. But saying you hate some type of music means that you block out what could be incredibly meaningful thoughts or ideas just because of some unfounded prejudice. Try to have an appreciation for music just for music's sake. Believe you me, there's plenty of bland, thoughtless, un-commited, and just plain bad music. But there's something to be said for being open to new music. Too many people dismiss complete genres of music either through willful ignorance, refusal to understand a different art form, or because it falls outside their comfort zone either lyrically or rhythmically. All I can say is this...all through high school, my friend John lived on KYXY, playing "soft contemporary rock", and refused anything else. Then one day, I paid a visit to his frat house at Oregon State and, holy of holies, this kid was rocking out to System of a Down. If he can spread out and understand what some crazy Armenians are screaming about, then anyone can be more open.

In the interests of disseminating music for perusal, here's a list of albums in my car CD player and MP3 player:
Creedence Clearwater Revival - Greatest Hits
Jack Johnson - On and On
Ryan Adams - Gold
Basia - London Warsaw New York
The Moody Blues - Live at Red Rocks
Bob Dylan - Highway 61 Revisited
ZZ Top - Greatest Hits
Ludacris - Release Therapy
Sparklehorse - Good Morning Spider
Jim Croce - The Best of
Harvey Danger - Where Have all the Merrymakers Gone
Modest Mouse - Good News for People Who Love Bad News
Jethro Tull - Thick as a Brick
Robert Randolph and the Family Band - Colorblind
Shakira - Oral Fixation Vol. 2
Talib Kwali - Prisoner of Concious
Rilo Kiley - More Adventurous
The Dresden Dolls - The Dresden Dolls

This rotation is a little heavy in the "classic rock" direction, which is where my personal favorites and inspirations reside. When I put the next rotation in, I'll give you a new list. Until then, if you've heard the bands, it's time to hear them again and if you haven't, it's time to take a chance and really LISTEN to some new music. You may not agree with the style or lyrics, but understanding music is a way to understand someone that you'll never get in conversation. Tomorrow, maybe some posts of my own song-writing attempts.

Crikey!

It's already been a year since Steve Irwin's death. And it's still sad. Maybe you don't care. You may not like animals. You may have thought he was irritating, annoying, or slightly deranged. And I feel sorry for you. Sure, he was kooky. But he was one of the few who loved what he did, remained true to his principles, and came across as a genuine person. Too often, we make the mistake of assuming we know someone based on their public persona or their acting roles or how they're portrayed in magazines. We don't know what Steve was like at home. But here was a man who you genuinely believed was being himself. There was no guile, no deception. You could picture him catching snakes in his back yard and talking to the neighbors about how the blokes were toey with the sheilas. It's something missing from most television, and something that is devastating to lose. Not just for the animals, but for humans too. Steve showed us what people could and should be. Passionate, excited, productive, putting our energy to positive uses. How many of us would put ourselves in danger, would spend months alone in the wilderness, would live such a hard life in pursuit of our passions? It's hard to do even for little things. What about dedicating your entire existence to it?

Thank you, Steve. I never met you, but I feel like I've lost a friend. I hope I can follow your example and become someone that others will emulate and that in some way I can make them believe that there is something better out there.

Mommy, can we go to the circus?

I'm going to start my own business. Here's why: Gossip is just about all sports reporting is good for lately. We've got predictions for not only what teams will go to the Super Bowl, but which will win and by how much. And the season hasn't started yet. We've got hour long blocks of ESPN dedicated to Fantasy Football picks. Seriously? There's not a football game (and I mean soccer for you Americans) that we could be watching? Another strong man competition? Competitive fucking? Anything? It's called Fantasy Football for a reason.

Sportscasters have become as bad as political pundits on CNN and Fox News. The media surrounding sports has become the celebrity paparazzi for fat, misogynistic "men's men". It's an acceptable form of gossip that doesn't step on their male sensibilities by calling it gossip. So I guess this should come as no surprise: Serena Williams Loss at US Open .

Let's see...you just lost a major tournament, one you've invested time, money, and both physical and emotional effort in. Now you've got 50 people and cameras in your face asking you inane questions. If you don't go to the media circus, you get fined. How's that for the after-match meeting being optional? You're tired, probably not feeling that great about life, and here comes some people whose job is to make your career an angle so they can sell their stories.

I for one agree with and defend Serena. She wasn't being rude. She was telling these crows as politely as she could to shut up and leave her alone. Since I have that right when someone sticks a microphone in my face, why shouldn't she? It's the same as celebrity groupies. The reason they're always getting punched in the face, spit on, and cussed at is because they've chosen to make a career of invading people's lives. Back the fuck up and let them be. The only thing I agree with is that there was a little un-professionalism shown by Serena in saying Justine made some "lucky" shots. But that doesn't warrant a full blown attack calling her "classless" and "graceless."

So to get these psuedo-journalists and celebrity photographers out of my newspapers, tv, and magazines, I'm starting a business called "Media Dump". The symbol will be a giant dog turd with Tazio Secchiaroli and John Stossel floating like a corn dinner. We'll mercilessly hound the less reputable media, celebrity and athlete paparazzi. We'll take pictures of their life. We'll follow them to the grocery store, the airport, grandma's nursing home, and the gay porn theater. We'll put their private sex lives in print and call it deviant then we'll make their recreational drug use into an epidemic addition. We'll sit outside their homes, hound their families, put their faces all over tv and poorly conceived tabloids. Let's see how they feel after a few years of that. And we'll do it until they stop doing it to actors and athletes.

Great athletes have an emotional attachment to their sport. When they're having a bad day, just sit back, have a Coke and a smile, and shut the fuck up.

I also put 'em in a bunch of squirrels. This won't do us any good.

In what is sure to be hailed as a a reversal of standard legislative procedure, both Wisconsin and California have decided to join forces and be the first states to pass legislation to prevent companies from forcing employees to have RFID tags implanted in them. Who wasn't waiting for that alliance?

Let's step back...I'll give you a minute to peruse the story.
RFID Journal
LA Times

Now that you're done reading what passes for journalism, let's ask ourselves something. Did that really need to be legislated? Are we so complacent to employers that it's become acceptable for them to mandate tehnology implants? Apparently so. What I want to know is, who are the two jackasses at CityWatcher.com who thought it would be a good idea to sign on to the program? If I said "Hey, Moses, how about I tattoo a barcode on your wrist...you know, to make it easier for me to verify who you are," what would his response be?

Much like pushing an old man down a flight of stairs, the theory of the law is much better than the practice. Both laws outlaw forced tagging. Neither outright says that this is a bad idea. And neither law provides protection for employees that refuse the tags. The least palatable is the Wisconsin Assembly that wants to explore using these types of tags in "certain classes of criminals, such as sex predators." We'll get to why that's a terrible but wholly accepted thing to do later. Right now, I've got to finish this chapter so i can go to work tomorrow and give it to my boss who will flip through it twice, ask two questions that could be answered by reading it, give one piece of asinine feedback, and promptly forget that I want to graduate in three months.

But at least the legislature was discussing an issue of importance and came to a conclusion that agrees with prevailing public sentiment. Maybe it's the start of a new trend. Sorry there's not an actual analysis of the issue...I'm tired and this crap just infuriates me.

Welcome my son....

In case you don't know, the title of the blog is my homage to Roger Waters, Pink Floyd, and my brother who correctly decided that this is the best Floyd album they released. Being that I detest sites like MySpace and its ilk for being home to a generation of kids who can't spell or complete a sentence without a smiley face, a blog seemed a reasonable way for people to keep abreast of my schemes while maintaining some relative privacy and sanity.

Mostly, this is a place for me to put my own junk. I love to write, mostly poems and songs I'll get around to posting eventually. And just because I wrote a poem doesn't make me a poet. More on that later. And plenty of thoughts on the state of the world, why science shouldn't be so expensive, why environmentalists should back the fuck up, and why I love apples but hate apple pie.

This corner of cyberspace is about music, writing, free expression, art, science, and a bit of personal self-indulgence. Ideas and thoughtful arguments are welcome. Retarded stereotypes, poor grammar, willful ignorance, and anything ending in ROFL are not.

I'm working on my dissertation right now so I can graduate and get the hell out of this state. It's been 100+ degrees for the past four days and I'm tired of peeling my balls off my leg just so I don't sit on them. So I'll try to keep this updated. For now, welcome to my world.