You offend me....you know who you are

This Christmas season, we've got more of the usual bullshit going down. Apparently we still can't refer to it as Christmas. And if you refer to Chanukah, you get the shit beat out of you by a bunch of ignorant bastards. This year we have a winner of the 'dumb shit someone thought would be a good idea at Christmas' award. I guess Santa can no longer say 'Ho Ho Ho', as it's offensive to people with vaginas. If you believe this then you are no longer allowed to refer to stupid people as 'boobs', you cannot refer to cats as 'pussy cats', you can't be in the navy and lift an anchor since they chant 'heave ho', and you can't 'hoe' your garden. A big fuck you to all those people that decided to be even bigger dicks this year and started fucking with Santa. I hope your Christmas trees all burn down.

And don't think I've forgotten the hardcore Christmas crowd, most notably christians palpably ignorant of the history of their own institutions. You guys win the "most holidays stolen from other cultures and transmuted to conform to our view" award. For starters, Christmas is not originally celebratory of Jesus, since the general gift giving and celebration routine during the winter was done for centuries. For the Romans, this period was a week long festival that consisted of men giving other men gifts and having gay orgies at the bath house. "Christmas" (the word) didn't even exist until the 11th century, a full millennium after the death of Jesus. It was originally a celebration of the winter months that gave thanks for the year and the cessation of agricultural work. The Christians simply rode in and set up their own winter festival to entice the 'pagans' away from their festivals. So stop pretending Christmas is all about Jesus. If you don't know the history of your own creation, then you don't truly know what Christmas is all about.

In fact, let's be honest and call it 'Profitmas' since the key components for the past 300 years have moved further from the religious aspects and more toward the economic and gift aspects. If you celebrate Jesus's b-day, then good for you. I've got no problem with that (assuming that you know Dec. 25 was not, in fact, his real birthday). But I think your celebration should involve doing Christian things - donating time to a soup kitchen or to help the less fortunate, enjoying a meal with family, and actively engaging yourself in making the world a better place with your time and money (not by converting people). If instead you go to one church service and then revel in the secular gift giving and economically driven portion of the holiday, you are not actively engaged in the religious aspect and shouldn't act like you are. It's supremely hypocritical to say you are celebrating Jesus while being involved in a lot of spurious spending and conspicuous consumption that he would not approve of. I may not be a god-fearing church goer, but I know enough about the bible to know that most church-goers aren't really understanding what they are reading. You can interpret it however you want, but at the end of the day it's a book about just being a good human being.