Like a straight guy in a figure skating competition

I just went to a dork fest in San Francisco. Every year, 15,000 scientists descend on San Fran to discuss the latest and greatest in Earth science. Every year I have to sit through 50,000 discussions on why global warming is important and how scientists are failing to relay that importance to the public. And nothing gets done so that next year they have something to talk about. So this year instead of hanging out with people who can't even stop discussing science over dinner, I thought I'd look around the city. It's decent enough. To me, it's mostly just another place with too many people, too much money for some of them, and too little for others. Plus, downtown smells like a damn sewer. They might want to work on that. Aside from the smell and the more aggressive homeless, it's not bad for a city. Definitely better than LA.

I saw a bonafide, genuine, right out of The Boondocks pimp. Slick pimp suit and everything. Frickin' awesome. That same night, I saw two kids lightin' up their crack pipes on the steps of the judicial building. Also awesome. One block up from my hotel, the erotic cake store. One block down, the leather bondage store. Directly across the street, the gay bar Stud. I love walking down the street and seeing people just doing what they do...smoking crack, eating erotic cake, and then tying themselves to a stove while their current beau beats them with leather crops and plastic penises. Makes you glad there's a place where you can get all of those things without having to get in your car.

Don't stay at the Best Western Civic Motor Inn. The amenities were there, the breakfast wasn't half bad, and the beds were comfortable. But there was a razor blade hidden in my clock. In my clock! At 2:30 AM, some crazy dude decided to inform the hotel guests that we should leave because this was his neighborhood and he didn't like us. That went on for 20 minutes while the "security" didn't do shit. On top of that, the walls are paper thin and apparently the people next door felt the need to very loudly discuss their current drug situation. Don't get me wrong. I'm all for people using drugs recreationally. But 3:45 in the morning is not the time. And if you're gonna do it, make sure you have enough to last you until morning.