I'm fed up with the History Channel (now just called History, like they are the sole repository of such knowledge) putting on shows that have exactly as much to do with history as incontinence has to do with hamburgers. What the fuck is Monster Quest? A show about made up critters like Bigfoot and Yeti. Why not just make a show about the Boogey Man and the Tooth Fairy? Then there's the 50 shows about future animals. What the hell kind of rampant speculation is this? Let's make a show that has no basis in reality and allows us to show off our super expensive digital art studio. How is a show about the future even related to history? If you want to try to extrapolate the current political or economic climate out a few years, then sure, I'll bite. But making pretend animals that could possibly maybe conceivably exist in millions of years? Give me a fucking break. I don't have time for this. There's too much internet porn and YouTube videos of people getting hit in the nuts for me to spend time watching shows about people that spend their lives chasing mythical creatures. Next thing you know I'm going to have to watch a show about people taking infra-red cameras and searching for Hogwarts.
Speaking of thermal cameras, stop putting on shows about fucking ghosts. We get it...weird shit happens in your house. But every time something happens in some old sanitorium, I don't want to be subjected to some jack-ass setting up a thermal recorder and a tape recorder and trying to capture proof of a haunting. Every time there's a blip on the camera, we have to have a lengthy discussion about whether it's a cat, a rat, or a ghost. Every hot spot that shows up is possible fodder. The last time I checked, the presence of a ghost made people feel cold. So we should be looking for cold spots. And every skip on the tape recorder has to be analyzed in super slow playback. Since we've been doing this for decades and never caught so much as an OOOHHH or a clinking chain, let's stop putting this crap on the air.
The History Channel should stick to things with a connection to history. If they keep this crap up, I may have to start reading more and staring numbly at the tv less.
1 comment:
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