Things you find in the news for $2000, Alex.

Politics on the brain. It's all anyone can seem to focus on. It'll all be forgotten six minutes after the votes are in, but it's impossible to escape now- the name calling, belligerent attitudes, the lies and half-truths, the purposeful misunderstanding and the stupidity. So here's a little common sense from Adam to put some of the crap in context.

Rant #1) I have watched each debate and have surprisingly little to say about them. Both candidates are just using the questions as springboards for prepared talking points, which is shameful. The format of the debates, which disallows any meaningful discussion, is ridiculous. Senator Obama may be "winning" them by public estimations, but he's not hammering Senator McCain into the ground—he's not explaining why he would be the best next president, or why McCain would be the worst. And McCain isn't saying much beyond "my opponent just doesn't get it" while evading answers and distancing himself from the president he voted with 90% of the time.

But one thing did leap out at me, at both Presidential debates, on the issue of Pakistani borders. It's a big question right now because Al Qaeda is crafty and knows that most of the time (Iraq not being a notable exception) we respect the borders of international nations which have not attacked us first. Barack said in both debates that if he knew proof-positive where Bin Laden was hiding in Pakistan, and the Pakistani government was unwilling or unable to take Bin Laden out, that he would authorize a strike to go across and get Bin Laden.

Senator McCain responded that Senator Obama is foolish because the President should "speak softly and carry a big stick" and not "telegraph his punches". Yet John never said he wouldn't do the exact same thing. So, I am left with two possibilities: either McCain would respect Pakistani sovereignty and not fire the shot if Bin Laden was moonwalking just across that line (doubtful), or he and Obama believe the exact same thing—the only difference is that McCain refuses to say it out loud.

What's that shit painted on the side of his bus again?? "Straight Talk Express"?

Now, I don't know what the answer is. Personally, it makes me nervous to just Tweety Bird it and use "I tawt I taw a terrorist" as justification for pretty much anything. But I do know is that if McCain is going to cling to the political equivalent of "I KEEP IT REAL" then he damn sure better, otherwise he risks alienating people who are actually hoping for straight talk.

Rant #2) This is why I cannot read commentaries by Glenn Beck; the man is a sensationalist asshole—the modern day equivalent of an op-ed Hearst— who makes a living coming up with the wildest arguments he can, no matter how illogical or foolish they may be. The commentary has been linked for your enjoyment, but I will sum it up to save you time:

Mr. Beck is upset about claims of racial undertones from liberal groups/individuals. He points to certain moments on the campaign trail—the quickly infamous "that one", of course, and the "Joe six-pack" images being thrown around by Governor Palin. He claims that the subtext people read into such comments—that they are racially charged attempts to "otherize" Senator Obama and make him seem distant and foreign—are ridiculous, unfounded, and irresponsible. Fine, that is a fair argument. Yet mere sentences later, Mr. Beck basically says 'the subtext of all of this is clear— if you vote against Obama, you are a racist.' Now how in the hell can you decry the use of subtext as irresponsible in one case, then draw imaginary parallels between "please don't call our candidate 'uppity'" (as did Rep. Lynn Westmoreland of Georgia) and "Vote for change, or join the KKK."?

Rant #3) Speaking of that particular organization, this Bill Ayers business is K-K-KILLING me.

Let me get this straight, and stop me if I hit a snag: Bill Ayers helped found the Weather Underground. Check.

Weather Underground did some bad shit, some of which Ayers was a part of. Check.

Ayers never faced charges due to prosecutorial misconduct, yet voluntarily turned himself in to authorities in 1980. Check.

30 years later, Bill Ayers is a university professor and former 'Chicago Citizen Of The Year' for his championing of Elementary Education and the writing of a massive grant to benefit under-funded schools. Check.

Barack Obama sat on a Board of Directors with Ayers and, at one point, lived a few streets away. Check.

Obama is "palling around with terrorists". Wait, what the fuck?

Not only is this connection retardedly tenuous and stupidly inflammatory, something else is bothering me. Let's get some other things straight:

John McCain has served nearly 30 years in the US Senate alongside Robert Byrd. Check.

Robert Byrd is an admitted former member of the Ku Klux Klan. Check.

The KKK is considered a domestic terror organization. Check.

So how in the crap is John McCain not "palling around" with a "terrorist who targeted his own country"? EPIC FAIL, McCain campaign— your accusations are saturated with liquid FAIL and country-fried hypocrisy. If Obama is unfit to serve as President because of this, then so is John McCain; let's all write in Ron Paul and get this country back on track.

Sadly, however, most people aren't concerned about this apparent hypocritical stance—I spent an hour and a half in the Foxnews Forums yesterday, trying to get an answer to my question, and in 16,000 replies to "Does Obama-Ayers Connection Matter?" not a single person even attempted to explain to me why dispersing grant money with a former anarchist is magically different from writing legislation with a former Klan member. Instead, I was told that I must be a "comunist" (sic) and love "the Curan" (sadly, sadly sic).

Rant #4) It pisses me off that age has become an issue in this campaign, for either side. Health, certainly. Computer literacy, absolutely. Age, who gives a shit? My grandmother is roughly the same age as John McCain and she has been slamming death's door with her walker for quite a while now. Chuck Norris is almost as old McCain, but he would roundhouse-kick his way through every cabinet meeting for 8 years and still never need to sleep. Age does not matter. Period. McCain is in good health, and has released (to his credit) over 1,000 pages of medical documents for the press to look over, which is way more than Obama has done. He's healthy—who cares if he is 40 or 80? 'Is he the best thing for America?' is the only question I care about.

Another thing I care about is not running shady campaigns. One thing you will never hear in this election cycle is the Obama campaign using McCain's middle name (Sydney) with a strange emphasis, yet members of McCain's campaign constantly refer to Senator Obama as "Barack Hussein". Come on—are you seriously trying to claim that you have no idea what you are doing? That you have no idea what the name 'Hussein' means to some Americans, and that you are not using an accident of birth to diminish Senator Obama's character, reputation, and qualifications by making that association? Give me a fucking break! Hey, Glenn Beck, where was that example in your ramblings? Even you know that is some bullshit.

I will also stab the next asshat who says Sarah Palin should not be President because she needs to be spending time with her kids. You would never hear someone say that Bill Clinton should not have run because he needed to spend time with Chelsea. Quit elevating motherhood over fatherhood in a lame attempt to keep America male-dominated— it shows a tremendous lack of class and a very poor understanding of Western history (I or Brandon can explain this in detail if anyone would like).

The funny thing about any discriminatory 'ism' is that it works both ways: Republicans, you can't say being old is not a handicap then say being young is. Democrats, you can't suggest that women shouldn't run for office because of their children then say men should. Barack Obama, you can't deride President Bush for making specious Al Qaeda-Iraq connections and then connect John McCain to Rush Limbaugh in Spanish-language ads. And John McCain, you can't claim to keep a clean campaign while your supporters chant "TERRORIST, TERRORIST" at your rallies and you do absolutely nothing to stop them; that is deeply and unspeakably shameful. It reflects horribly on your character, Senator McCain, and though I wish you had won the Republican nomination in 2000, I can't in good conscience support a man who would allow such an unbelievably callow thing to occur— you are a war-hero, a dignified politician and a so-called 'maverick': have some fucking self-respect.

Rant # 5) You know what, I don't even need to rant on this one… it pretty much speaks for itself.

A quote from Wayne LaPierre, Executive VP of the NRA. "We will encourage gun owners, hunters and anyone who values freedom to vote McCain-Palin on November 4."

Sigh.

For fuck's sake, someone get this election over with—I can't clear enough head space to write about anything but politics, and it's killing my fiction output.

--Adam

ed. note: in recent days, Senator McCain has actually gotten vocal about his supporters not disrespecting Senator Obama at rallies, for which the author is quite pleased. However, the author maintains his view that John McCain bears a striking resemblance to one Franklin The Turtle.