I wasn't expecting the onslaught of album reviews from Adam, but I suggest you read them because they are entertaining and he spends more time listening to music in one day than most people do in a week. Also, I would suggest listening to any albums he recommends because they're usually worth becoming intimate friends with. Without his recommendations I would never have found the awesomeness that is Jenny Lewis.
For myself, I'm picking a different type of song to post than my previous few. For some reason, over the course of my life, I've attracted more than my share of people that are broken. We all have moments when we need someone. But some of us are just inclined to savage bouts of emotional self-torture (myself included). I must have a "Troubled People Need Apply" sign on me that I am unaware of, because they always seem to find me. I'm the ghost whisperer of emotionally troubled people, but without the huge rack and huge paycheck.
To me these people are projects, a chance to fix in them what I can't seem to fix in myself, and for whatever reason I just can't say no. I'm not sure whether it's because I like that they depend on me or the power I have over them or the rush of knowing that someone in the depths of misery now has a chance to keep going forward. No matter the reason for me putting them back together, it's devastating to watch them slide right back into those patterns that created the problem. That happens far too often. Sometimes I think it's because people need misery but mostly I think it's because we're creatures of habit more than we are creatures of common sense. Whatever the reason, the fact remains that empathy, sympathy, and my own time, energy, and tears are no guarantee that putting someone back together emotionally and psychologically will make them any stronger than they were before they came into my life. That's really the story this song tells- watching someone self-destruct, doing all you can to be there for them, and still not having the power to stop it. It's not about futility or fatalism- it's about being utterly helpless but pushing on anyway.
Some years ago my home town had a pretty serious fire, to the point where a large portion of the town was surrounded by 15 foot walls of flame. While watching it all happen, it became more than just a fire. It became an analogy and a metaphor for those emotionally and psychologically fragile people that I couldn't help. It became a setting; an external, physical backdrop for the internal, emotional turmoil.
(Sorry Death Cab- as much as I love everything you do, I like my fire song better. It's a bit biased, but there you have it.)
Ashes fall
Every time she walks into the room with that bottle in her hand
I know it’s going to be a long, long night
Her brain is full of whiskey and her heart is full of gin
and her body’s telling me to get the lights
She hits the bed like fire then her body turns to ice
She falls asleep in nothing but her bra
I’m standing in the doorway that leads into the room
hoping that she’ll get well soon
My town is burning down tonight
There’s nothing I can do but sit and watch
The ashes fall like rain outside my window pane
as she takes another drink like it would help put out the flames
She leaves the house in style with a slit up past her thigh
She stands out on the corner so that all the boys can see
Her tongue it burns like lightning as she screams into the sky
Calling for another round to help forget her life
She’s jaded and she’s used, she’s jagged and abused
Her skin is smooth but her soul is badly bruised
To her I’m just the place she’ll turn when anger’s run its course
I’m the one that will forgive her, even though it hurts
My town is burning down tonight
There’s nothing I can do but sit and watch
The ashes on the breeze find me on my knees
praying that she’ll find a way to conquer this disease
My town is burning down tonight
There’s nothing I can do to quench the flames
While the ashes fall like snow through the orange and hellish glow
I cradle her against the heat as she cries herself to sleep
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