I wanted to post this on Facebook, but people can't handle it. Someone always has to chime in with something unrelated or defend people acting like asshats. I'm not looking for some pithy rejoinder about how I should calm down. I'm well aware that the universe is not fair and that this is something out of my control. I just want to blow off steam and and then I can calm down. Normally, I guess people do this with some type of intense physical activity, but since I'm a fat fuck and because I like words, I'm gonna do it this way.
This is about to get mean, so if you're easily offended, you should just stop now. Seriously. This is gonna happen. I don't typically advocate violence or suicide, but I'm definitely not opposed to weeding out the dregs of society, particularly if they would be so kind as to take care of it themselves. Also, there is significant profanity, including a word I rarely use (but the British have it right...it's a beautiful word).
You've been warned.
To the two people that pulled out in front of me and came within inches of getting t-boned while my kid was in the car- I hope you die. Fucking die. Seriously. Fuck you, fuck your parents for not raising you better, and fuck society for not kicking your ass so you know that your behavior is unacceptable. Your mom should have swallowed. Make this world a better place and leave it. Your genes aren't worth passing on. When you make a mistake, YOU apologize. You don't blame other people and you don't flip them off. I hope you hit a pole and end up paralyzed so that you have nothing to do but sit around with your pathetic waste of a self and think about what miserable bastards you are and how you've done nothing but be a drain on the people around you. You are a burden to everyone else and we're better off without you. If there is a God, I hope he kicks you in the ass so hard you taste clouds for eternity while you're burning in hell for being a miserable excuse of a person. Kiss my ass, fuck you, and if I ever come across you again, I hope I see someone punch you in the dick and/or vagina just to prevent you from ever having children that you can teach to be fucktards like yourselves.
If you got this far and you happen to know who these people were, please forward this to them with my blessing. People that act like garbage to other people deserve to be treated like it and we usually burn or bury garbage, so let's go ahead and get on that.
Friday, August 15, 2014
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
People are inane
I can safely say that I understand people even less than I did when I was younger. I've grown much older but only moderately wiser - wise enough to know that my wisdom is limited and never a good thing to say out loud. But none of that has helped me understand why people do the things they do. It's not the laziness, nonchalance, or even abject refusal to work for something that doesn't have immediate, tangible benefits. I can almost understand those non-motivations. They're human. We all want the easy way and if it's offered, it's a rare person that won't succumb. No, what I don't understand is the refusal to act on knowledge. Let me demonstrate.
Often students will ask me what I think - about their work, about their classes, or in rare cases about their life. I consider my job, as an instructor and a human, to give an honest assessment. People need to know their strengths, weaknesses, successes, and failures. And having gone through many of these same experiences, I like to think that I can provide some insight. And then, without even batting an eye, these same people will completely ignore what they heard (if they heard anything at all). They won't address their weaknesses, they won't play to their strengths, and they won't do anything differently. They just keep on going even after getting the answer. It's almost a slap in the face.
Or consider this gem - have you ever had someone ask you what you wanted or needed? Not in an offhand way, but genuinely interested in a real answer, not a backhanded remark or sarcastic quip. That's a dangerous question when posed in seriousness. The answer exposes you, putting you in a position where you have to give a piece of yourself. In some ways you're giving someone power over you by answering. If you're comfortable enough to answer it seriously, you want them to take the answer seriously and use it, preferably for good. But then they take that information and sit on it like they're hatching an egg. It's like they cared enough to ask and listen but didn't care enough to actually do anything about it. Obviously you can't give everyone everything all the time. But why ask such a personal question if only to ignore it? It's almost a slap in the face.
There are countless other things, some bigger social issues or smaller personal obstacles, but the end result is the same - refusal to use knowledge, even if it makes life better for you or someone else. This is something I see all the time but can't fathom. We're all guilty of it at some point, yet it seems like the majority of people are prone to it. Sometimes it seems like people ask these questions out of morbid curiosity with the express intent of not doing anything useful with the information. At some point it becomes so frustrating that you don't even want to answer those types of questions because no amount of honesty or conscientious answers is going to change the outcome.
Maybe it's just another predilection of humanity that has no rhyme or reason. Or maybe I'm expecting too much. Either way, it just seems inane to me to ask if you're not going to use the answer. Just keep it in mind the next time you ask a question like that. If it's a question that requires someone to share a piece of themselves or if it's a question that is hard to ask and you may not want to hear the answer, think twice about asking if you're not going to actually use the answer.
Often students will ask me what I think - about their work, about their classes, or in rare cases about their life. I consider my job, as an instructor and a human, to give an honest assessment. People need to know their strengths, weaknesses, successes, and failures. And having gone through many of these same experiences, I like to think that I can provide some insight. And then, without even batting an eye, these same people will completely ignore what they heard (if they heard anything at all). They won't address their weaknesses, they won't play to their strengths, and they won't do anything differently. They just keep on going even after getting the answer. It's almost a slap in the face.
Or consider this gem - have you ever had someone ask you what you wanted or needed? Not in an offhand way, but genuinely interested in a real answer, not a backhanded remark or sarcastic quip. That's a dangerous question when posed in seriousness. The answer exposes you, putting you in a position where you have to give a piece of yourself. In some ways you're giving someone power over you by answering. If you're comfortable enough to answer it seriously, you want them to take the answer seriously and use it, preferably for good. But then they take that information and sit on it like they're hatching an egg. It's like they cared enough to ask and listen but didn't care enough to actually do anything about it. Obviously you can't give everyone everything all the time. But why ask such a personal question if only to ignore it? It's almost a slap in the face.
There are countless other things, some bigger social issues or smaller personal obstacles, but the end result is the same - refusal to use knowledge, even if it makes life better for you or someone else. This is something I see all the time but can't fathom. We're all guilty of it at some point, yet it seems like the majority of people are prone to it. Sometimes it seems like people ask these questions out of morbid curiosity with the express intent of not doing anything useful with the information. At some point it becomes so frustrating that you don't even want to answer those types of questions because no amount of honesty or conscientious answers is going to change the outcome.
Maybe it's just another predilection of humanity that has no rhyme or reason. Or maybe I'm expecting too much. Either way, it just seems inane to me to ask if you're not going to use the answer. Just keep it in mind the next time you ask a question like that. If it's a question that requires someone to share a piece of themselves or if it's a question that is hard to ask and you may not want to hear the answer, think twice about asking if you're not going to actually use the answer.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Last Goodbye
Wow...almost a year since I posted anything. Time flies when you have shit to do. Or to not do since continuing my posts has fallen by the side. Technically it's no longer V-Day, but I'll post this anyway.
In some ways I consider this my opus. In technical terms, musically and lyrically, it's not the best I ever did, but somehow this is the one that sticks the most and definitely means the most to me. It's one I lived. It's also the one that has my favorite line that I ever wrote. I'll leave it to others to figure out which one it is.
Yeah, it's not a lovey-dovey V-Day song, but it's a love song anyway. And it is, hands down, the most painful thing I ever put on paper. Yes, I wrote this by hand back in the dark ages before phones recorded everything. It's hard to describe, so I'll just let it speak for itself.
Last Goodbye
We’re standing in the passing shine
of headlights heading farther on
and home is just a block or two away
The silence that surrounds our steps
is perfectness in duplicate
since neither of us knows what to say
On your porch at 2 AM
with moonlight glinting off your hair
preparing all the words you think
will make this last goodbye complete
I’m holding you against myself
defenseless but not innocent,
and every time the screen door slams
the walls go up between us again.
Before you say your last goodbye,
convinced that you are justified,
there’s just one thing that I want you to know.
Every time I let you go
the beating of my heart…slows…down.
I've got time
I've got time.
To sit around and think about
what went wrong this time around
I know it hurts, like nothing else,
and the hurt will fade, but the memories remain
We have grown accustomed to
contrition and apologies
but never knowing what we’re sorry for
The argument is getting stale
sitting there up on the shelf
right next to where my picture used to be
She said “We never did enough,
the time apart was just too tough,
and I’m not cut out for this kind of life.
I cannot be satisfied with second best,
and though I’ve tried, I realize
there must be more than this.”
Sleeping through these bitter days
just to keep your ghost at bay
and praying for release from all this pain
Every time I turn my head,
I see you from the corner of my eye.
This beautiful mirage
that shimmers in my mind.
Now we sit alone at night,
talking around how we really feel,
determined to prove what we had
was too damn good to be real.
Before I say my last goodbye,
and go pretend I’m doing fine,
there’s just one thing I wanted you to know.
Every time I let you go,
the beating of my heart…slows…down.
I've got time.
I've got time.
To sit around and think about
what went wrong this time around.
It still hurts, more than it should,
and the hurt will fade, but the memories remain.
I've got time.
I've got time.
To stare into these photographs,
and ask myself why nothing lasts,
why everything that’s beautiful has
passed…me…by
In some ways I consider this my opus. In technical terms, musically and lyrically, it's not the best I ever did, but somehow this is the one that sticks the most and definitely means the most to me. It's one I lived. It's also the one that has my favorite line that I ever wrote. I'll leave it to others to figure out which one it is.
Yeah, it's not a lovey-dovey V-Day song, but it's a love song anyway. And it is, hands down, the most painful thing I ever put on paper. Yes, I wrote this by hand back in the dark ages before phones recorded everything. It's hard to describe, so I'll just let it speak for itself.
Last Goodbye
We’re standing in the passing shine
of headlights heading farther on
and home is just a block or two away
The silence that surrounds our steps
is perfectness in duplicate
since neither of us knows what to say
On your porch at 2 AM
with moonlight glinting off your hair
preparing all the words you think
will make this last goodbye complete
I’m holding you against myself
defenseless but not innocent,
and every time the screen door slams
the walls go up between us again.
Before you say your last goodbye,
convinced that you are justified,
there’s just one thing that I want you to know.
Every time I let you go
the beating of my heart…slows…down.
I've got time
I've got time.
To sit around and think about
what went wrong this time around
I know it hurts, like nothing else,
and the hurt will fade, but the memories remain
We have grown accustomed to
contrition and apologies
but never knowing what we’re sorry for
The argument is getting stale
sitting there up on the shelf
right next to where my picture used to be
She said “We never did enough,
the time apart was just too tough,
and I’m not cut out for this kind of life.
I cannot be satisfied with second best,
and though I’ve tried, I realize
there must be more than this.”
Sleeping through these bitter days
just to keep your ghost at bay
and praying for release from all this pain
Every time I turn my head,
I see you from the corner of my eye.
This beautiful mirage
that shimmers in my mind.
Now we sit alone at night,
talking around how we really feel,
determined to prove what we had
was too damn good to be real.
Before I say my last goodbye,
and go pretend I’m doing fine,
there’s just one thing I wanted you to know.
Every time I let you go,
the beating of my heart…slows…down.
I've got time.
I've got time.
To sit around and think about
what went wrong this time around.
It still hurts, more than it should,
and the hurt will fade, but the memories remain.
I've got time.
I've got time.
To stare into these photographs,
and ask myself why nothing lasts,
why everything that’s beautiful has
passed…me…by
Monday, February 28, 2011
Her Name
One of the more amusing things I see in people is their, often inexplicable, ability to do exactly the opposite of what any observer thinks they would do. This is never more clear and more confusing to watch than when it comes to matters of the heart.
I think most people have been there. That situation where you go all in- you learn everything you possibly can about someone, put in the time and effort and love that it takes to know them at a level that goes beyond physical or emotional attraction- only to see them turn away and run to someone else that won't take the time or put in the love and dedication to know them. You watch them run to someone you know will never love them or give them the support they need.
This is a rather...logical...take on an emotional issue. And emotion trumps logic any day. We don't choose who we love. And there's no accounting for taste. But it's brutally depressing to be on the receiving end. To be the person that puts in the dedication to knowing someone and being there for them and picking them up every time they stumble...only to be left for someone that doesn't love them and takes them for granted.
This song is for all of those people that have had to live through the trauma. It's about knowing a girl down to her soul and having to watch her be with someone that can barely remember her name. It's about knowing that she still cares but, for whatever reason, just runs keeps running. At the heart of it all it's about loving her enough that you can endure watching her be with someone that will never love her the way she deserves.
This is my second favorite thing I ever wrote. This one was a lot of blood and tears. It was hard. Not hard to write lyrically- that actually came pretty readily. It was more because this was an emotionally devastating ride. When things hit so close to home there are times when you want to quit because it feels like the next line or next thought will push you over the edge. But that's part of why I write...the catharsis. When it's done and you look back and you've created something that you like so much and means so much to you...it takes some of the edge off the pain. It's like a narcotic- it doesn't take the pain away but it dulls that sharp edge and lets you function enough to keep going. Anyway, I like this one a lot and I hope it means something to you too.
Her Name
(Key of C)
Pink carnations are her favorite flower
Orange blossom is her favorite smell
The way she curls her right hand in
is her poker tell
Horses are her favorite past-time
She loves dancing in the rain
She always has a beautiful smile
even when she's in pain
I know you think she's looking at you
but the light, it never touches her eyes
I know you think she cares for you
but you can feel the distance in her smile
I know all the places she goes,
I knew them long before you came.
I know all the secrets she hides,
you don't even know her name
She's fragile like a winter snowflake
that melts when it touches your skin
She's stronger than she'll ever admit
but she'll break before she'll ever bend
She loves driving for the sake of it
The movement calms her down
She loves to argue just to prove a point
and "It's Christmas Again, Charlie Brown"
I know you think she likes to look at you
but the light it never touches her eyes
I know you think she cares for you
but you can feel the distance in her smile
I know that she's thinking of me
in some dark corner of her brain
I know all the secrets she hides,
you don't even know her name
Being like her mom is her biggest fear
Being with me is next
She always had a way with words
and she could always read the subtext
I know that she's thinking of me
when she takes off her dress
and when she's done she stares at the dark
and lights her cigarette
She sees my reflection in the twisting smoke,
a mirror of her feelings,
as I evaporate from her breath
and into the ceiling.
The drama of girls makes her crazy
she makes friends with all the boys
Her smile captures hearts like an orphan
Her anger drives her to destroy
She doesn't give her heart up easily
but when she does she goes all in
She's easy to break and hard to remake
Making her cry is a sin
I know you think she's looking at you
but the light it never touches her eyes
I know you think she loves you too
but you can feel the distance in her smile
I know all the pain that she hides,
I knew her long before you came.
I know all the faces she has,
you barely even know her name
I know all the places to touch
that get the blood pounding in her veins
I know all the buttons to push
to turn her into pleasure from pain
I know all the secrets she hides
I knew them long before you came
I know where she got all her scars
Boy, you don't even know her name
I think most people have been there. That situation where you go all in- you learn everything you possibly can about someone, put in the time and effort and love that it takes to know them at a level that goes beyond physical or emotional attraction- only to see them turn away and run to someone else that won't take the time or put in the love and dedication to know them. You watch them run to someone you know will never love them or give them the support they need.
This is a rather...logical...take on an emotional issue. And emotion trumps logic any day. We don't choose who we love. And there's no accounting for taste. But it's brutally depressing to be on the receiving end. To be the person that puts in the dedication to knowing someone and being there for them and picking them up every time they stumble...only to be left for someone that doesn't love them and takes them for granted.
This song is for all of those people that have had to live through the trauma. It's about knowing a girl down to her soul and having to watch her be with someone that can barely remember her name. It's about knowing that she still cares but, for whatever reason, just runs keeps running. At the heart of it all it's about loving her enough that you can endure watching her be with someone that will never love her the way she deserves.
This is my second favorite thing I ever wrote. This one was a lot of blood and tears. It was hard. Not hard to write lyrically- that actually came pretty readily. It was more because this was an emotionally devastating ride. When things hit so close to home there are times when you want to quit because it feels like the next line or next thought will push you over the edge. But that's part of why I write...the catharsis. When it's done and you look back and you've created something that you like so much and means so much to you...it takes some of the edge off the pain. It's like a narcotic- it doesn't take the pain away but it dulls that sharp edge and lets you function enough to keep going. Anyway, I like this one a lot and I hope it means something to you too.
Her Name
(Key of C)
Pink carnations are her favorite flower
Orange blossom is her favorite smell
The way she curls her right hand in
is her poker tell
Horses are her favorite past-time
She loves dancing in the rain
She always has a beautiful smile
even when she's in pain
I know you think she's looking at you
but the light, it never touches her eyes
I know you think she cares for you
but you can feel the distance in her smile
I know all the places she goes,
I knew them long before you came.
I know all the secrets she hides,
you don't even know her name
She's fragile like a winter snowflake
that melts when it touches your skin
She's stronger than she'll ever admit
but she'll break before she'll ever bend
She loves driving for the sake of it
The movement calms her down
She loves to argue just to prove a point
and "It's Christmas Again, Charlie Brown"
I know you think she likes to look at you
but the light it never touches her eyes
I know you think she cares for you
but you can feel the distance in her smile
I know that she's thinking of me
in some dark corner of her brain
I know all the secrets she hides,
you don't even know her name
Being like her mom is her biggest fear
Being with me is next
She always had a way with words
and she could always read the subtext
I know that she's thinking of me
when she takes off her dress
and when she's done she stares at the dark
and lights her cigarette
She sees my reflection in the twisting smoke,
a mirror of her feelings,
as I evaporate from her breath
and into the ceiling.
The drama of girls makes her crazy
she makes friends with all the boys
Her smile captures hearts like an orphan
Her anger drives her to destroy
She doesn't give her heart up easily
but when she does she goes all in
She's easy to break and hard to remake
Making her cry is a sin
I know you think she's looking at you
but the light it never touches her eyes
I know you think she loves you too
but you can feel the distance in her smile
I know all the pain that she hides,
I knew her long before you came.
I know all the faces she has,
you barely even know her name
I know all the places to touch
that get the blood pounding in her veins
I know all the buttons to push
to turn her into pleasure from pain
I know all the secrets she hides
I knew them long before you came
I know where she got all her scars
Boy, you don't even know her name
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
A Precious Thing
A new month is here and a new song seems fitting.
When you tell people you write or enjoy writing they always want to know what you write. I assume they want to hear murder mysteries or Westerns or something of that nature. So when people ask me what type of songs I write I tell them I write love songs. They usually come from a dark place and are born out of my own insecurity and pain but, at the heart of it, they're about love, fractured as it may be.
Writing about something happy is hard for me because that's not where my inspiration comes from. But there are those rare things in life that I find important enough to tackle artistically even if they are out of my comfort zone.
My daughter will be four months old in 10 days. I wrote this for her.
A Precious Thing
I was there for your first breath
Picked you up when you bumped your head
I was there when you fell asleep and when you woke
I hope you learn that love is kind
I hope you learn that justice is blind
I hope the world doesn't teach you fear or teach you hate
I hope you run with open arms
I hope you dance even when it storms
I hope you face the things everyone else hides from
It's a precious thing
A new chance, a new beginning
An empty page, a place to write your story
It's a precious thing
A new life, a new beginning
A tiny girl, who's too good for this world
It's a precious thing
I was there for your first tear
kept you warm and soothed your fear
I was there when you cried all night and when you smiled
I hope you learn how to laugh
I hope you learn that pain will pass
I hope you learn to forgive because time goes too fast.
I hope you learn to take a chance
I hope you find a true romance
I hope you offer your heart but never lose yourself
It's a precious thing
A new chance, a new beginning
An empty page, a place to write your story
It's a precious thing
A new life, a new beginning
A perfect girl, who's too good for this world
It's a precious thing
When you tell people you write or enjoy writing they always want to know what you write. I assume they want to hear murder mysteries or Westerns or something of that nature. So when people ask me what type of songs I write I tell them I write love songs. They usually come from a dark place and are born out of my own insecurity and pain but, at the heart of it, they're about love, fractured as it may be.
Writing about something happy is hard for me because that's not where my inspiration comes from. But there are those rare things in life that I find important enough to tackle artistically even if they are out of my comfort zone.
My daughter will be four months old in 10 days. I wrote this for her.
A Precious Thing
I was there for your first breath
Picked you up when you bumped your head
I was there when you fell asleep and when you woke
I hope you learn that love is kind
I hope you learn that justice is blind
I hope the world doesn't teach you fear or teach you hate
I hope you run with open arms
I hope you dance even when it storms
I hope you face the things everyone else hides from
It's a precious thing
A new chance, a new beginning
An empty page, a place to write your story
It's a precious thing
A new life, a new beginning
A tiny girl, who's too good for this world
It's a precious thing
I was there for your first tear
kept you warm and soothed your fear
I was there when you cried all night and when you smiled
I hope you learn how to laugh
I hope you learn that pain will pass
I hope you learn to forgive because time goes too fast.
I hope you learn to take a chance
I hope you find a true romance
I hope you offer your heart but never lose yourself
It's a precious thing
A new chance, a new beginning
An empty page, a place to write your story
It's a precious thing
A new life, a new beginning
A perfect girl, who's too good for this world
It's a precious thing
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Carry On
First post of the new year. So happy new year to everyone. Maybe this year will be better than the last. Adam Duritz for the win!
Anyway, here's my first song of the year. Fittingly, it's actually the very first song I ever wrote. Not my best work or even my favorite but it does have a certain nostalgia for me, particularly the middle two verses.
Carry On
Roll on down back to your home.
Maybe you’ll find out why you feel so alone.
It’s hard on me to see you down like this,
but maybe it’s better this way and the hurt will pass
Take a stand. Find something you believe in.
Make a friend before you wind up hating everyone
And make amends with the one you love before they’re off and gone
Where will you find the strength you need
To carry on
To carry on
To carry on
To carry on
I know you tried so hard to put it all aside
but you can’t forget the way you felt that night.
And when we said goodbye in the cold California dawn,
how was I to know we’d be so unresolved.
Stop my breath before I speak your name
and burn my lips with this unrequited flame.
I promise I’ll take the blame for making us so weak and overgrown.
Where will I find the strength I need
To carry on
To carry on
To carry on
To carry on
Speak your mind before your brain explodes.
Lay it down before it gets too heavy for you to hold
and it drags you down. Your heart is tied to your sleeve just like a stone.
Now where will you find the love you need
To carry on
To carry on
To carry on
To carry on
Anyway, here's my first song of the year. Fittingly, it's actually the very first song I ever wrote. Not my best work or even my favorite but it does have a certain nostalgia for me, particularly the middle two verses.
Carry On
Roll on down back to your home.
Maybe you’ll find out why you feel so alone.
It’s hard on me to see you down like this,
but maybe it’s better this way and the hurt will pass
Take a stand. Find something you believe in.
Make a friend before you wind up hating everyone
And make amends with the one you love before they’re off and gone
Where will you find the strength you need
To carry on
To carry on
To carry on
To carry on
I know you tried so hard to put it all aside
but you can’t forget the way you felt that night.
And when we said goodbye in the cold California dawn,
how was I to know we’d be so unresolved.
Stop my breath before I speak your name
and burn my lips with this unrequited flame.
I promise I’ll take the blame for making us so weak and overgrown.
Where will I find the strength I need
To carry on
To carry on
To carry on
To carry on
Speak your mind before your brain explodes.
Lay it down before it gets too heavy for you to hold
and it drags you down. Your heart is tied to your sleeve just like a stone.
Now where will you find the love you need
To carry on
To carry on
To carry on
To carry on
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Hurt Me
Well, I'd say it's been an eventful time since I posted anything. Had a kid, changed jobs, and now I'm trying to finish up the last of my scientific work so that I can make a clean break. Busy as a bee. Although bees are busy dying from CCD (that's colony collapse disorder for those that don't keep up with apiarists), so maybe I would rather be busy like a woodchuck or a squirrel or a nymphomaniac.
The selection today comes from something I wrote over the course of several years. A lot of songs take only days, at least to get lyrics and a musical backbone. Others you start and then get distracted. I find that these are the hardest to finish because after so much time has passed you find yourself in a different place with a different mind set and a different take on things. Of course, some themes are so universal (or people do shit to you for so long) that you don't really forget them. In these cases, coming back can lend new insight or just let you get those few lines that were missing.
Neil Young, during an interview, said that he only wrote one song at a time because "songs are jealous." I don't think it's jealousy so much as selfishness. I tend to work on several at once, often with them feeding back and improving each other. But there are those occasional things that demand full attention or they refuse to come at all. This was one of the latter.
This is a song about letting people hurt you because you'd rather hurt than see them hurt (how many times can you use hurt in a sentence?). It's a sacrifice we all make at some point, but a lot of people (read: me) let it go too far and end up suffering for things that are completely out of their control. We also let it go on far too long, even when it's obvious that the sacrifice isn't enough to make someone else happy and never will be. So for all you people out there that ever let yourself hurt for someone else, this is for you.
Hurt Me
(Key of Gm)
Verse:
Fm Gm Fm Bb Gm
Fm Gm Fm Bb Gm
Bb C(III) Dm(V) C(III) Dm(I)
A5 Gm
Chorus:
C Dm(I) (x4)
Breakdown:
Bb C(III) Dm(V) C(III)/Dm(V)/C(III)/Dm(V) (stacatto) (x2)
Bb C(III)
Dm(V) C(III) Dm(I)
A5 Gm
I don't understand how you grew to be so mean
So unsympathetic and stepping on my dreams
When it's silence I need most that's when you want to scream
I'd do anything to ease your suffering
I know you're angry that life turned out this way
The suicide line's busy. You've been on hold for days.
And you won't walk away because you're so afraid to change
I'll be there when your smile turns to rage
So hurt me
Hurt me
Hurt me
If it makes you feel better
I don't understand how you grew to be so cold
So unlike the girl I knew when she was young
My tongue licking your wounds didn't help to ease the pain
I'll still be here when your sunshine turns to rain
I know that you know that it's wrong
I know that you can't put it down
The power fuels your hunger
And the hunger feeds your pain
I'm still here if you need someone to blame
So hurt me
Hurt me
Hurt me
if it makes you feel better
The selection today comes from something I wrote over the course of several years. A lot of songs take only days, at least to get lyrics and a musical backbone. Others you start and then get distracted. I find that these are the hardest to finish because after so much time has passed you find yourself in a different place with a different mind set and a different take on things. Of course, some themes are so universal (or people do shit to you for so long) that you don't really forget them. In these cases, coming back can lend new insight or just let you get those few lines that were missing.
Neil Young, during an interview, said that he only wrote one song at a time because "songs are jealous." I don't think it's jealousy so much as selfishness. I tend to work on several at once, often with them feeding back and improving each other. But there are those occasional things that demand full attention or they refuse to come at all. This was one of the latter.
This is a song about letting people hurt you because you'd rather hurt than see them hurt (how many times can you use hurt in a sentence?). It's a sacrifice we all make at some point, but a lot of people (read: me) let it go too far and end up suffering for things that are completely out of their control. We also let it go on far too long, even when it's obvious that the sacrifice isn't enough to make someone else happy and never will be. So for all you people out there that ever let yourself hurt for someone else, this is for you.
Hurt Me
(Key of Gm)
Verse:
Fm Gm Fm Bb Gm
Fm Gm Fm Bb Gm
Bb C(III) Dm(V) C(III) Dm(I)
A5 Gm
Chorus:
C Dm(I) (x4)
Breakdown:
Bb C(III) Dm(V) C(III)/Dm(V)/C(III)/Dm(V) (stacatto) (x2)
Bb C(III)
Dm(V) C(III) Dm(I)
A5 Gm
I don't understand how you grew to be so mean
So unsympathetic and stepping on my dreams
When it's silence I need most that's when you want to scream
I'd do anything to ease your suffering
I know you're angry that life turned out this way
The suicide line's busy. You've been on hold for days.
And you won't walk away because you're so afraid to change
I'll be there when your smile turns to rage
So hurt me
Hurt me
Hurt me
If it makes you feel better
I don't understand how you grew to be so cold
So unlike the girl I knew when she was young
My tongue licking your wounds didn't help to ease the pain
I'll still be here when your sunshine turns to rain
I know that you know that it's wrong
I know that you can't put it down
The power fuels your hunger
And the hunger feeds your pain
I'm still here if you need someone to blame
So hurt me
Hurt me
Hurt me
if it makes you feel better
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Coalesce
I've always been a fan of the concept album. I appreciate the thought, talent, and work that goes into creating a musical ensemble that creates a larger picture or message with its individual pieces. I also like that each part must be understood on its own terms before being pieced into the larger story.
Concept albums are like ogres. They have layers.
Many moons ago, I tried my hand at a concept album. It was an abject failure in the sense that I only wrote four things and then lost focus. There was one thing that came out of it that I really liked. It's a song about loneliness and the things people do when they feel lonely. It's pretty old. I started it in high school and finished it a few years later. For some reason I thought of it today while I was driving home, so I had to find it and post it.
Coalesce
She leaves the tv on
just to feel like somebody cares.
Even the empty words
are better than the empty air.
"My patience may be wearing thin"
she says to her reflection.
"I just need a break from this
monotonous seduction.
In between the spaces where
we used to talk and keep our thoughts
There only lives the aftermath
of angry words we can’t take back."
As this feeling coalesces
she slips on unconsciousness
just to make a thicker skin.
Her own is wearing pretty thin.
She twists the strings of levity into
something only she can see.
A sacrificial offering
to the gods of Mirth and Mockery.
"It’s the crumbling façade"
she says.
"I’m the last horse on the carousel
and the circus wasn’t popular,
once they released the animals."
As this feeling coalesces into something
just a little bit untamed,
she slams on the brakes and says
"I never meant to feel this way."
Concept albums are like ogres. They have layers.
Many moons ago, I tried my hand at a concept album. It was an abject failure in the sense that I only wrote four things and then lost focus. There was one thing that came out of it that I really liked. It's a song about loneliness and the things people do when they feel lonely. It's pretty old. I started it in high school and finished it a few years later. For some reason I thought of it today while I was driving home, so I had to find it and post it.
Coalesce
She leaves the tv on
just to feel like somebody cares.
Even the empty words
are better than the empty air.
"My patience may be wearing thin"
she says to her reflection.
"I just need a break from this
monotonous seduction.
In between the spaces where
we used to talk and keep our thoughts
There only lives the aftermath
of angry words we can’t take back."
As this feeling coalesces
she slips on unconsciousness
just to make a thicker skin.
Her own is wearing pretty thin.
She twists the strings of levity into
something only she can see.
A sacrificial offering
to the gods of Mirth and Mockery.
"It’s the crumbling façade"
she says.
"I’m the last horse on the carousel
and the circus wasn’t popular,
once they released the animals."
As this feeling coalesces into something
just a little bit untamed,
she slams on the brakes and says
"I never meant to feel this way."
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
In Your Arms
It's been crazy the last few weeks. Baby related things, work travel, mountains of data, deciphering programs written in Russian...you know, the usual. On top of that my research position is ending in December so I'm preparing to switch to full time teaching, which involves wrapping up all my current projects and getting new ones started (it's an amazing amount of work to build a class from scratch).
In my spare time I've also been working on three new songs. Some people like to work on one thing at a time, but I find that jumping back and forth between a few different things helps when you get stuck. The song below is pretty self explanatory so I'm just going to let it ride. This is my third favorite thing I've written. Maybe not third best but definitely third favorite. Now that we have a piano in the house the music to this one may actually get finished since it's meant for piano. Enjoy.
Minor correction: This is an old song. It's my third favorite thing in my entire collection, not third favorite amongst the current crop. Just to clear up any confusion. By the time I get around to posting "new" stuff it's liable to be as old as this stuff is already.
In Your Arms
You are empty
I am full of pride
We can't back down
even though we’re so torn up inside
You're still hungry
and you just can't leave now
The show must go on
even if there is no crowd
I am the firefly in your jar
the one you shake when you want to smile
All I want to do is shine for you
or never shine again
You are glass
I'm leaving fingerprints on your surface
You are sharp
You've etched your name into my heart
I’m content
to stay by your side
or just be in the same room
It makes me feel like I'm alive
I am the caterpillar in your jar
just give me some time and I could be beautiful
I love you out from behind these walls
but it's never the same
as being in your arms
as being in your arms
as being in your arms
I just want to be in your arms tonight
Pictures of you
rolling through my head
stealing my breath
until there’s nothing left inside
but these regrets
of all the things we’ve done to ourselves
Everything inside of me
has been corrupted by the girl I need
and all the gold in the world won’t bring her back
I miss you
The beating of your heart comforts me
Favor me
Favor me with one more sterling smile
before I leave
and all of this becomes a memory
I am the caterpillar in your jar
just give me some time and I could be beautiful
I love you out from behind these walls
but it's never the same
as being in your arms
as being in your arms
as being in your arms
I just want to be in your arms tonight
In my spare time I've also been working on three new songs. Some people like to work on one thing at a time, but I find that jumping back and forth between a few different things helps when you get stuck. The song below is pretty self explanatory so I'm just going to let it ride. This is my third favorite thing I've written. Maybe not third best but definitely third favorite. Now that we have a piano in the house the music to this one may actually get finished since it's meant for piano. Enjoy.
Minor correction: This is an old song. It's my third favorite thing in my entire collection, not third favorite amongst the current crop. Just to clear up any confusion. By the time I get around to posting "new" stuff it's liable to be as old as this stuff is already.
In Your Arms
You are empty
I am full of pride
We can't back down
even though we’re so torn up inside
You're still hungry
and you just can't leave now
The show must go on
even if there is no crowd
I am the firefly in your jar
the one you shake when you want to smile
All I want to do is shine for you
or never shine again
You are glass
I'm leaving fingerprints on your surface
You are sharp
You've etched your name into my heart
I’m content
to stay by your side
or just be in the same room
It makes me feel like I'm alive
I am the caterpillar in your jar
just give me some time and I could be beautiful
I love you out from behind these walls
but it's never the same
as being in your arms
as being in your arms
as being in your arms
I just want to be in your arms tonight
Pictures of you
rolling through my head
stealing my breath
until there’s nothing left inside
but these regrets
of all the things we’ve done to ourselves
Everything inside of me
has been corrupted by the girl I need
and all the gold in the world won’t bring her back
I miss you
The beating of your heart comforts me
Favor me
Favor me with one more sterling smile
before I leave
and all of this becomes a memory
I am the caterpillar in your jar
just give me some time and I could be beautiful
I love you out from behind these walls
but it's never the same
as being in your arms
as being in your arms
as being in your arms
I just want to be in your arms tonight
Friday, August 20, 2010
Debbie
If you write about things you don't know anything about, it comes across as fake. It's painfully obvious when a 12 year old sings about love and relationships that someone else wrote the song and the kid has no idea what they're singing about. It takes away from some of the emotion because it's disingenuous. I always thought you should write or paint or sing about what you know. After all, how can you make people think, feel, or understand something that you have never experienced? There's always room for some creative liberty but the central theme, ideas, and emotions invoked have to be real or people will recognize the work as fake and will ignore it.
That being said, I knew a harridan. She was a harpy then and I doubt anything has changed in the twelve years since I last saw her or in the decade or so since I wrote this. The choruses are about Debbie (hence the title), the verses are about her daughter. The song has a very back-and-forth feel, with the regular lines being sung while the lines in parentheses are spoken. This one always makes me a little sad because it's something I watched happen. We all do things that are hurtful at some point, but it's even worse when kids get caught in the middle. They learn from watching and imitating far more than they learn from being told.
Debbie
Debbie how could you leave your daughter cold?
Never taught her to love, only taught her how to own.
Debbie why did you leave a broken home?
Now your daughter's in pain, but you just walk away.
Keeping the day at bay with her sleeping pills,
(the light bores into her skull through the curtains)
the headache’s fierce, but less so than the truth
(mommy's gone and the house is getting dark)
She fills the night with cheap reflections,
(she reaches out for something steady)
tries to read but her eyes are failing
(now she's got no one to turn to)
Debbie, when will you see how she cries?
Never taught her to love, only taught her to despise.
Debbie, who died and made you such a selfish bitch?
Life was rough, so you take it out on your kids.
She falls in love, but don't know what it means
(the happiness is interpreted as guilt)
She takes her pills with an alcoholic kick
(her dreams are plain, but at least they're something)
Everything good was burned by her own two hands
(baby girl got caught in a cruel world)
Tried to save her, but her heart is growing numb
(don't give in, or you'll end up like your mom)
Debbie, what did you do to keep her down?
Never taught her to laugh, only taught her how to drown.
Debbie, I'd give my last breath
to save your daughter's smile and to warm her breast.
Debbie, look at the damage that we've done.
That being said, I knew a harridan. She was a harpy then and I doubt anything has changed in the twelve years since I last saw her or in the decade or so since I wrote this. The choruses are about Debbie (hence the title), the verses are about her daughter. The song has a very back-and-forth feel, with the regular lines being sung while the lines in parentheses are spoken. This one always makes me a little sad because it's something I watched happen. We all do things that are hurtful at some point, but it's even worse when kids get caught in the middle. They learn from watching and imitating far more than they learn from being told.
Debbie
Debbie how could you leave your daughter cold?
Never taught her to love, only taught her how to own.
Debbie why did you leave a broken home?
Now your daughter's in pain, but you just walk away.
Keeping the day at bay with her sleeping pills,
(the light bores into her skull through the curtains)
the headache’s fierce, but less so than the truth
(mommy's gone and the house is getting dark)
She fills the night with cheap reflections,
(she reaches out for something steady)
tries to read but her eyes are failing
(now she's got no one to turn to)
Debbie, when will you see how she cries?
Never taught her to love, only taught her to despise.
Debbie, who died and made you such a selfish bitch?
Life was rough, so you take it out on your kids.
She falls in love, but don't know what it means
(the happiness is interpreted as guilt)
She takes her pills with an alcoholic kick
(her dreams are plain, but at least they're something)
Everything good was burned by her own two hands
(baby girl got caught in a cruel world)
Tried to save her, but her heart is growing numb
(don't give in, or you'll end up like your mom)
Debbie, what did you do to keep her down?
Never taught her to laugh, only taught her how to drown.
Debbie, I'd give my last breath
to save your daughter's smile and to warm her breast.
Debbie, look at the damage that we've done.
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